Before the Stars Fall
by ArthursShadow
Summary: A few years have passed and Ikuto hasn't returned yet. Then he gets a call from Utau. Something is wrong with Amu... (Formerly 'Before it is too late', but now rewritten).
1. Bad News

Somewhere in a hotel room in a town in Europe, a phone started to ring. A hand materialized from under the covers and with a muttered curse the boy laying there took the phone, still half asleep. He flipped it open. The calling id showed his sister's home number. Wanting to ignore it, he pushed the green button and said: "It's 4 in the morning you know."

"No, I don't know that. I don't care, anyway." she said, a bit annoyed, he thought.

"Why did you call me then?" he hoped she wouldn't ask him when he came back. She always asked him that, and he was tired of saying 'I don't know'.

It was silent for a time. He almost sighed when she spoke again.

"You should return, Ikuto." He let the sigh out. Just as he expected. Some things don't change, he thought, and he was about to shut the phone and go back to sleep when he heard someone crying on the background.

"Who's crying?" he asked, a bit curious.

"Rima." said Utau. Ikuto thought about it. Wasn't Rima the short blonde that was always clinging to Amu? He recalled seeing her face on the pictures Utau would often send him, pictures that showed Amu and her friends. He didn't asked for them, but every time one came, he would make it his background.  
But what was Rima doing with Utau, crying? A boy-problem? But wouldn't Amu be there then too? No, that was not possible. Utau never called him when Amu was around.

"Why is she crying?" he finally asked.

"Because... because Amu told us..." she didn't finish the sentence.

"Amu told you what?" he asked, a sudden feeling in his chest that worried him.

"Just come back. I'm serious this time. And hurry, too, before you are too late."

The line went dead and left Ikuto staring at his phone. Before he was too late?

He dropped the phone on the bed and sat up, rubbing his eyes. The call didn't sat well with him. This was indeed different from other times when she asked him to come back. This time, her voice sounded like she wanted to cry and she said things about Amu. No, she hadn't said anything, she had implied things. That was what worried him most. Utau was not the person to beat around the bush. She liked to be blunt. He was not a person to listen to other people, especially not to his baby sister, but now he couldn't erase the urge in his chest telling him to do as she had said.

He grabbed his laptop from his bag and flipped it open, opening a search page in his browser. Maybe it was time to go back.

***** Japan ****

Utau put the phone down and turned to Rima.

"What did he say?" she asked, her voice cracking from the tears. Nagihiko, who was stoking her back in order to calm her, looked up. From across the room Kukai opened his eyes.

Utau went to the sofa and sat down.

"Nothing much. He was annoyed when I called him, saying it was 4 AM, asked who was crying and why. And when I said that..." her voice trailed off.

"You told him?" asked Nagi.

"No. I... I couldn't say it. I just stopped talking and said that he should come back before it... too late is."

Rima looked down as a new flow of tears rushed from her eyes.

"Shht, Rima-chan, don't cry." Nagi said.

"Do you think he will come?" Kukai asked.

Utau bent her head. "I don't know." she whispered as she also succumed to the threathening tears.

*** Amu's pov ***

I stood behind the door and felt almost guilty. I could hear Rima cry, and someone else. I think it is Utau. I have known her for so many years, and yet I've never seen or heard her cry. She's a strong person. And I made her cry, I'm almost mad at myself when somewhere in my consciousness I hear someone say: 'It's not your fault, Amu.'

'Yeah, you didn't meant to have it, ne Amu!'

'Right-desu!'

'Amu, don't lose your radiance. You'll need it more than ever now.'

'Ran? Miki? Su? Dia? Are you still here?' It definitely feels weird to be talking with others in my own head. But if these voices are really my Shugo Chara, then I'm not alone..

'Of course we are here with you!'

'We said we would never leave, didn't we?'

'You did leave.' I think.

'You're mean, Amu-chan -desu.'

'When you grew up, we just went back. You didn't need us anymore.'

I sighed. Apparently there is more than one thing in my head, but this is quite welcome... I had missed my little guardian characters, ever since they went back into their eggs when I started high school. I had been sad and sorry to see them go, but it was also nice to know I was growing up, growing strong enough to learn to stand on my own. I had gotten many gifts from them, such as my cooking skills from Su, and my athletic and artistic skills from Miki and Ran. Dia had helped me countless times to find the good things within myself and others and I had learned so much from them.

It was, however grown up I had thought myself to be, nice to have them cheering me on again.

I tried to gather all my courage by breathing deep and calming.

The last time I saw my friends, my other family, was when I told them the news, a couple of hours ago. I went away for some time, to think. I had wanted to have some time to think this all over with only myself, so I could come to terms with it... or at least try to. I wasn't so sure if it had worked, but it had given me some clarity.

I lived with Utau in a room she lets me borrow, until I find my own place to stay. I don't live with my parents anymore. Mum got a very important promotion, but for it we had to move to another town, back to the town we came from. I stayed because I wanted to finish school and stay with my friends. I didn't want to leave and build a new life so close to the end of my high school years. I guess I was, kind of, too old for that. Moreover I was a bit afraid to do it. I had been living with Utau for the past half year, and she has said before that I could stay for the rest of my live for all she cared. She had said it in that typical manner of hers, seemingly haughty and uncaring, looking away, but with a blush staining her cheeks.

I had smiled and said that she needn't worry, I wouldn't go anywhere soon.

... So much for that one.

'Just do it, Amu-chan!' cheered four voices in my head and I knocked on the door. It was silent for a moment, but then Kukai called: "Come in!"

I opened the door and went in. Rima ran directly towards me, hugging me tightly as if I would disappear any moment. I patted her head. She is still very small, though Nagi doesn't seemed to mind it at all. "That's Rima-chan for you." he would say and he would smile.

Utau looked at me like she wanted to copy Rima. Even Nagi and Kukai had those 'I want to keep you close in case you disappear' eyes. I sighed, again. This was going to be hard.

"Hey, it's fine, guys." I said. "Okay, easy Rima-chan, I know it's actually not fine, but there is no saying that the surgery will fail. Maybe it will be over in just a couple of weeks, leaving it all a bad memory."

Rima still glared at me, all the while hugging me close.

"Maybe." Nagi said quietly, hitting the spot hard. "Maybe, you say, and we all know it's going to be a risky operation. There is no guarantee that you will survive. There is a chance that you will die."

It was silent. We had all thought about that, but he was the first to speak it out. It stung. How accepting and relaxed I pretended to be, underneath it I knew that in a few weeks I could be dead. All because of a tumor in my head.


	2. Making Lists

It all started with an ordinary headache, that wouldn't go away and kept getting stronger. I heard a sound too, like a dryer that kept buzzing in my ears. There was pressure on my head, and I felt sick. Sometimes I lost my balance when walking, and the urge to trow up was strong. I thought it was a cold. That made sense, Rima just got rid of the flue. She had had a very strong case and hadn't been able to go to school for almost three weeks. I had visited her every day, and even though she had insisted that I wouldn't come close it was still possible to pick it up. The microbes that bring viruses go through the air, after all.

It was Rima who made me go to the doctor. The doctor said that it was a good idea to go to the hospital where they could make a scan of my head.

"Maybe there is something wrong. I don't think it will be too serious, but I had this patient who had the exact same complains, and he had meningitis."

"What is that?" asked Rima.

"I'll explain later." I said.

I was happy that the doctor hadn't heard what she asked, for he could fall into long, boring explanations very easily and I didn't want to fall asleep. That would be rude. I remember when Mum took Ami to the doctor when she had a lot of pain in her ears. I had to carry her, because Mum was pregnant. It is really weird to see your Mum pregnant when you're sixteen, and your sister twelve. I have a baby brother now. His name is Haruki. Anyway, Ami asked something about pregnancy and the doctor kept telling and telling and it ended with both Mum and Ami asleep, which was very good because she slept bad but also very funny. Mum didn't dare to face the doctor for four months, until dad dragged her to him. I still smile when I think of it.

I had my scan at the Hoshigaoka Koseinenkin Hospital in Osaka two weeks later. The next day, the doctor called me. I was surprised that the results were in so quickly, but looking back now I think it was pretty normal.

"Hinamori-san..." He said, his voice soft, " You have a tumor in your head."

At first, the only thing I thought of was that he was very direct. It was almost annoying. Wasn't there a better way to say that to a person? Then it hit me. Wait... a tumor. In my head. The only place I thought no one could enter. Except him, of course. Now some cells went out of their way and the result was... I stopped thinking.

"Really..?" was all I could say.

He sighed. "There really is a tumor in your head, miss. And there is a good thing and a bad thing about that. The good thing is that it will be very easy to operate, but that bad thing is that it is very big and it is a bad cancer."

"Bad cancer?" I asked. I knew some medical things, especially about pregnancy, but I was not familiar with cancer.

"There are two kinds of cancer. Good cancer only pushes and moves the other cells, and bad cancer destroys them, too. And from the ways the cells were, the doctors thought it was a very fast growing one."

So I not only had a very big thing in my head, but it also grew fast and destroyed my brain. Wait, again. My brain? Was I going dumb?

Apparently I said that aloud, because the doctor answered: " I don't know. You may face some, or a lot, of memory loss, and the ability to speak, or the connection to the nerves in your arms or legs."

This was going too far. I just stared into space.

"Hinamori-san? Hinamori-san?" the doctor asked on the other side of the line.

"Yes?" I said absent minded.

"I need to tell you more."

I sighed. More?

"There are two ways they can help you in the hospital: with chemo therapy or an operation. I suggest both. But it's up to you to decide. And...one more thing. At this rate, you will have three months more to live, or less. I suggest you go to the hospital soon."

I nodded, but remembering this was on the phone, I said: "Yes, of course. Doctor-san, are you sure that I only have about three months left?"

"I'm very, very deeply sorry to say this, Hinamori-san, but it is true."

A tear ran over my cheek. I didn't bother to wipe it away.

"I have contacted your parents, and if you call to the hospital doctor Iragawa will help you farther."

"Thank you." I said. I managed to say it clearly, even with the lump in my throat.

"I'm so sorry that I have to say this to you, and I hope you will be able to walk out the hospital one day as if nothing ever happened, really." He said. I hoped so too.

"Thank you." I said again.

"Well, that was it then. Good evening, Hinamori-san." he said. Good evening?

"Good evening to you too." I said and I put down the phone.

I just sat down, my gaze locked to the floor. For an exchange, my mind was completely blank. The next thing I saw were feet in white socks. I looked up. Rima.

"What I just heard, was it right?" I mentally winced. She must have heard the things I said.

I nodded, slowly.

"I have a tumor in my head and I have only three months of life left, yes." I said, not making it more difficult than it was.

Rima started to shiver, just like when she is angry. For some reason I was afraid.

"Noooo!" she shouted like crazy. I'm sure that the whole neighbourhood heard her. Surely Utau and Kukai heard her, because they came down right after. Even Nagihiko showed up from the kitchen. And I thought I was the only one home.

"What? What happened?" Kukai asked bewildered, looking around as if he expected a robber standing in the doorway waving a giant sword.

"Amu's going to die in three months because of a tumor in her head!" screamed Rima. Auw. I guess that were my tympana.

Utau had gotten big eyes. Big teary eyes.

"Is that true, Amu?" Nagi asked.

"Yes. Pretty much true." I said.

The room exploded. Suddenly there was screaming, yelling, crying, and a lot of questions. I tried to explain, but they wouldn't listen. I felt like I needed to escape. I got up fast and ran to the door, taking my bag when I passed.

I ran blindly, not seeing where I was going. I ended at the station. For an unknown reason I took the first train available. It was a train that went to the coast and I rode it till the end. I went to the beach. There were not much people, maybe because there was a very strong wind. I didn't mind. I just stood there, not thinking at all.

Thoughts slipped in my head, and I looked at them very closely.

There was a very, very big chance I would die. No! I screamed inside. It's not fair! I am only 17! I am too young to die! Way too young!

Tears blurred my vision. I sank to my knees, embracing them, and cried as I had never cried before. After some time I finally calmed down some bit. I lay down on the sand now.

I did some serious thinking. First, it wasn't sure that I would die. The chemo and operation could save me. But there was this big chance...

Staring at the sea, for some reason I found peace. I accepted it. I don't know why, but I felt that fighting against the knowledge would not bring me anywhere. The crying had helped me to clear my mind. If I wanted to survive, I had to focus on fighting the tumor. The doctors would help me with that.

And if I didn't made it in the end, I should make that what's left for me now a good time. A good time with my friends and family. If I die, I don't want to regret anything.

A new, unknown strength filled me. I was still sad and weary, but in my mind I started to make a list of what I wanted to do, a list of the things I would do.

At the top of the list was ...seeing him again. I knew that that wasn't exactly something that could happen. I would have to leave a note for Utau to give to him then.

Next... graduating. It was only a month away, that should be possible.

Let me see... I wanted to become a singer so I could make a lot of people happy, and Utau already asked me if Rima and I would like to join her. We had been practicing together already, and Utau and I had even written a couple of songs but we hadn't thought them good enough for a debut. Maybe... even that was possible.

And the last thing was pretty big: having a fun time with Rima, Utau, Nagi, Kukai, Ami, Haruki, Mum, Dad,... Oh, they wouldn't let me go. Specially dad, he will have it the hardest. I remembered what the doctor had said, that he had already contacted my parents. I wonder why they didn't call me. When he thought there was a slight possibility that I could even catch the flue from Rima, Dad flipped. Sheesh. He's so overprotective. He thinks it is very good I don't have boyfriends. Mum thinks something else, but she never spoke to me about it. I have no need for a boyfriend. I am actually happy now I don't have one. Just someone more I would have to tell that I was dying. A face with dark blue eyes and midnight blue hair flashed before my eyes, but I shook my head. Don't think that way, Amu I remind myself. But I'm not able to shake the image away.

The sun was setting when I took the train back. I tried to fix my appearance in the little bathroom in the train, but I couldn't do much about my red and puffy eyes.

Suddenly I remember that I left my cellphone at home, loading in my rome. Ah. So that's why I didn't got any calls or texts. I sighed. I bet they are worried dead at home. I'll have to explain much.


	3. Wish

*** Nagi's pov ***

"Shall we go to a restaurant tonight? I don't think anyone is in the mood to make dinner." I said. For some reason we spent most of our time at Utau's house. Maybe it was because she was the only one of us who already had her own house, or should I say mansion? Amu cooked most evenings, and I don't think she's in the mood to cook right now. Her eyes are red and a bit puffy, but she seemed calm now, almost accepting. Okay, now I'm seeing things. I don't think it is possible that she accepted it this fast. From what I heard, it usually takes people longer than just one day to accept stuff like that.

I didn't know where she went when she ran away, none of us did. When she ran, we were startled. It helped us to calm down, I mean, she got the horrible news and we attack her like that... I was ashamed of myself, and I think the others are too. We had talked a bit.

Rima took my hand. She stopped crying. In a weird way it was funny. Rima fakes crying all the time when there is something she wants and I don't see her crying much. She's the crying alone type, just like Amu. Personally I thought Amu was even more like that, she's always strong. And she can't hate. Like when I told her I was Nadeshiko, she was shocked, but let me explain. We even became better friend after that. I didn't think, I still think that, that she could react that way.

I smiled at Rima. She smiled back, a tiny smile, but a smile.

"Guys..." Amu said. We all sat up straight directly and listened closely, like dogs waiting for their master to give an order. She saw it and smiled. There was something off about her smile, it was not her usual carefree smile. I almost chuckled. Guess that was to be expected, right?

"What is it?" Utau asked. Amu spoke.

"I thought a lot today, and I decided that I wanted to spend this time, this time I have for sure, with you all, with my family, with...eh," She started over again. "There is no way to know if the surgery and the chemo will work so... If I have to go, I don't want to leave knowing I wasted the time I had left. Let's have fun, okay?"

We nodded, what else could we do? Tears were in our eyes and I thought our thoughts were the same too. I looked at Utau, Kukai and Rima and I could see their answer in their eyes as clear as mine must have been. We just couldn't say no to this wish. It sounded as a good plan...

Then, something crossed my mind. She had said with not only her family and us, but also with someone else..She didn't name the person, but the way she stopped talking, a hint of blush on her cheeks it was obvious who she meant.

Good thing Utau called Ikuto. Let's hope he comes now.

*** Amu's pov ***

We went to a high class restaurant where they served the most delicious food. We tried to talk him out of it, but Nagi payed. I didn't got to see the bill, but I think it must have been pretty much. I was a bit happy, though. The food had been wonderful after all. I thanked Nagi and he smiled.

"Wasn't anything." he shrugged it off.

Afterwards we went out. It was a lot of fun, the music was good. Even Utau had fun. Most times she can't come because fans will jump on her on first sight, and wearing a disguise while dancing is irritating, she says. But when most of the people were a bit drunk she removed the sunglasses and the hat. It worked, no one jumped on her. Only Kukai did, and he has the right to. They have been a couple for some years now and actually I wasn't surprised when I found out they still held ramen eating contest. Some things never change.

I danced until I was dizzy and in need of fresh air. I went outside and sat on a bank on the roof. Apparently I had timing, because I got called right after sitting down.

It was my mum. I was happy somehow, she was the easiest to talk to.

"Moshi moshi? I said.

"Amu, Taiko-san called us." The doctor hadn't lied. Well, at least I wouldn't need to tell it.

"Did he told you everything, including the three months-thing?" I asked.

"Yes." I heard her sigh. Poor mum.

"We'll come back to Osaka." She finally said.

"Oh, okay." I said. I wanted to spend time with them anyway. "Are you going to take a hotel room?"

"For three months?" She laughed a bit. "Amu, sweetheart, no. I got promoted, again. I'll be the editor in chief of the magazine in Osaka. They told me just after the doctor called. I was a bit shaking, but I accepted immediately."

"Won't it be difficult for Ami? She must be used to her school by now."

"She said it was fine. She wanted to go back to Seiyo Academy anyway. And be close to you."

"And dad?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

Mum thought so too. "Do you really need to ask that?" There was a smile in her voice.

I smiled slightly, stood up and walked away from the door to where I could see the street. The cold bars were calming. In the background I heard my dad. He screamed something about 'my little sparrow'.

"Shht, Tsumugo, Ami and Haruki are sleeping." Mum told dad sternly, and he seemed to calm down, at least I didn't hear him scream anymore.

"Sorry you couldn't reach me before. I went out for a bit, and I left my phone at home."

"Oh, it's nothing, really." Mum said. "Anyway, we will be there in a week. Luckily, we managed to get the house we used to live in. The renting company hadn't been able to sell it yet."

She already had the house? She had been busy. And all of it just for me. I was very grateful.

"Help with the moving, sweetheart. And call your friends to help too. Those boys, Kukai-kun and Nagi-kun look like they can easily move the cupboards." She said.

I laughed. "Promise, okay? Tell Ami, Haruki and dad hello from me."

"Sure. Bye!"

"Bye!" I closed the phone and put it in my pocket.

Someone came up to me and I turned around. It was Utau, looking very exited. I wondered if she had been drinking.

"You know, Amu, they are having a singing contest inside. Are you coming? I already wrote you down. It's almost your turn." Yeah, there was a little hint of beer, but not as much as I expected. Still, she went ahead and wrote my name as an entry for a singing contest.

Utau saw I wasn't too happy, so she tried to persuade me.

"C'mon, Amu, It's going to be a lot of fun! I heard someone say there would be someone from a music company."

That didn't really had the effect she had hoped on. She sighed and just dragged me inside.

I let her. Maybe it would be fun, and I could have a grand time. I wondered if I should make my new motto 'Yes to everything!'. The idea actually seemed a good one.

*** General pov ***

The plane just landed at Osaka International Airport and new passengers came in the hall and went to the luggage retrieval place. Only one of them didn't. It was a young man, almost still a boy, with midnight blue hair and sapphire eyes. He didn't have a big trunk with him, only a bag and a violin case.

He walked outside, breathed in the cold night air and thought: I'm back.


	4. Song

***Amu's pov ***

Utau dragged me the dance floor over and onto the stage.

"Hinamori Amu is here! And she is going to sing 'Behind these golden eyes' for you!" she yelled into the mic, announcing me like a celebrity. She put a demo in the dvd-player. As the music started to play, I recognised the song I made some time ago. I wondered where Utau got the demo from, but then again, you never knew with Utau.

People were cheering, just as my friends were. I sighed, but it was a happy sigh. My clue came and I started singing. Why not give it all? It wouldn't hurt!

'Behind these golden eyes'

Seems like just yesterday  
You were a part of me  
I used to stand so tall  
I used to be so strong  
Your arms around me tight  
Everything, it felt so right  
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong  
Now I can't breathe  
No, I can't sleep  
I'm barely hanging on  
Here I am, once again  
I'm torn into pieces  
Can't deny it, can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one  
Broken up, deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
Behind these golden eyes  
I told you everything  
Opened up and let you in  
You made me feel alright  
For once in my life  
Now all that's left of me  
Is what I pretend to be  
So together, but so broken up inside  
'Cause I can't breathe  
No, I can't sleep  
I'm barely hangin' on  
Here I am, once again  
I'm torn into pieces  
Can't deny it, can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one  
Broken up, deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
Behind these golden eyes  
Swallow me then spit me out  
For hating you, I blame myself  
Seeing you it kills me now  
No, I don't cry on the outside  
Anymore...  
Anymore

I was almost crying now, I felt the tears in my eyes. I wrote this song while thinking about him, and I felt pretty bad. But still, the song is okay.

Here I am, once again  
I'm torn into pieces  
Can't deny it, can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one  
Broken up, deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
Behind these golden eyes  
Here I am, once again  
I'm torn into pieces  
Can't deny it, can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one  
Broken up, deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
Behind these golden eyes

*** General pov ***  
For a second or two it was completely silent in the building and Amu wondered if her singing had been bad. No need to worry though, because when the music had faded away everyone burst out in cheering. People were yelling things.

"Awesome!"

"That's exactly how I felt, amazing!"

"Are you a prof? Your singing is so good!"

Amu blushed a million shades of red. Utau ran back on stage. She wobbled a bit. 'Drunk, I'm sure now.' Amu thought.

"Mina~san!" she yelled into the mic again. Amu held her hands over her ears, protecting them.

"I'm Hoshina Utau and I have to tell you something!"

People began to talk. The majority might've been drunk, but they still knew who Hoshina Utau was.

"Hoshina Utau as in the pop star?"

"No way!"

"What's she doing here?"

Utau smiled and started yelling again.

"You see, I always kept bugging my friend Amu-chan here about joining me on stage, and tonight she finally agreed! So, from now on we will be Falling Star, together with our dear friend Mashiro Rima-chan!"

Rima, had followed Utau on stage, waved.

*** Amu's pov***

I thought my jaw just dropped on the floor. I definitely wasn't expecting that!


	5. Return

*** Amu's pov ***

It was really late when we went home, or should I say early? I was practically the only one that drank not that much, so I drove. Utau had insisted to sit in the passenger seat, but she moved to sit on Kukai's lap after only one minute. I looked in the mirror and smiled. They were just too cute to imagine: Utau on Kukai's lap, both sleeping, and Rima on Nagi's lap. They were also sleeping. I loved them so much, and this scene was very cute, it made me happy but it made me feel lonely at the same time. I looked at the empty passenger seat and my mind produced an image of a certain tall, blue haired person who smiled at me. I quickly shook my head and put my attention back to the road.

I reached Utau's mansion and pulled up the driveway after the automatic gate had opened. Utau's security is very tight, because sometimes crazy fans try to get into her house. I sure was glad she didn't hire guards or dogs! Though there was a cat in the garden... No kidding, that animal...

I parked the car in the wide garage. I didn't think any of them was thinking of going home tonight, so I just woke the boys up so they could carry their girlfriends to their room.

"Hey, psst, Kukai, wake up." I poked him in his arm. He shrugged and opened one eye.

"What, Hinamori?" he said. He still liked to call me by my last name.

"Carry Utau to her room, will you? You can have the stretcher in her room." I said, knowing the stretcher wouldn't be needed, but it was still funny to say.

He yawned. "Sure."

While I went to the other side of the car to wake up Nagihiko, Kukai came out of the car, carrying a deeply asleep Utau.

Nagi was harder to wake, but somehow I managed and he also disappeared into the house, to the room he and Rima mostly used when they stayed over at Utau's, which is to say quite a lot. I closed the car doors and went to my room, where I put on a loose shirt and shorts, the clothes I used to sleep in. But before that, I took a shower.

I took a bottle of milk and went to my balcony. When I was drinking I remembered how Iku...he came visit me at night. Like the time he brought the sweets after he ruined my cake, or when... I got lost in my thoughts.

*** Third person pov ***

She was so lost that she didn't notice that a person was standing in the garden. Even if she would have paid attention, she would've missed the young man, as he stood in the shadows wearing dark clothes. Over his shoulder hung a violin case and a bag that contained clothes and other stuff.

The boy stared at her, surprised because he didn't expect to see her here. He had thought he would go to his sister's house for this night and to Amu's house the next morning. He frowned. She looked so breakable, fragile, that he wanted to go up there right away and keep her close.

She shivered and even though his mind told him he would scare her, and showing up so unexpected after this many years might cause her to react not so welcoming, he didn't care about anything but Amu. With the high jump he still could do after that many years with Yoru he jumped on the balcony, right in front of her eyes.

*** Amu's pov ***

I took a step towards the door to place the empty milk can by the door. I was too lazy to bring it down. I'll do it tomorrow, I promised myself. I turned back to look at the sky. A little breeze flew next to me and made me shiver. I thought I better went inside, before I caught a cold. That wouldn't be a good idea, considering my condition.

Suddenly everything became a black and blue blur. I was shocked, was I fainting? This could be bad!

I had to consider that thought rather quickly. When the world was standing still at last, I couldn't believe my eyes. I must've lost consciousness after all, because this can't be true, I thought.

Before my eyes stood Ikuto.

*** Time passing by, still Amu's pov ***

I kept silent for a few moments. Dream- Ikuto looked more uneasy with every second that passed by.

"Come on, Amu, aren't you going to say something?" he said, his voice just as I remembered.

My eyes lit up. It would be very easy to test if this was indeed a dream. I did the old trick and pinched my left arm hard with my right hand. I winced immediately. It hurt! Wait. If it hurt, then it wasn't a dream. But... couldn't you dream that it didn't hurt? I was really confused. What was it now. Real or not?

I looked up. Dream- Ikuto was looking worried at me. I sighed.

"Are...Are..." Damn stuttering! "Are you...real?"

He looked surprised, silent for a second, as if he hadn't expected that one. Then he laughed.

"Don't laugh!" I yelled and I punched him without thinking.

My fist met flesh, covered by clothes. O my god. I thought. He is real. And then I blacked out for real.

*** Ikuto's pov ***

She was so silent I thought for a minute she wasn't there. Spacing out, I guessed. Then she did something I hadn't expected at all: she pinched herself hard, and winched when it hurt. What is she doing? I asked myself, but it became clear when she asked if I was real. She doesn't believe that I could turn up once again. she didn't believe I would return. I felt my heart sink. Or... Wait. Maybe she hoped so much you would return, that she can't believe you're here for real! For no reason at all I addressed myself with you, as if Yoru was talking to me from the back of my head.

I laughed, relieved.

"Don't laugh!" she yelled and she punched me. It was a hard punch, with a force I didn't believe at first to be hers, as fragile looking as she was.  
She was shocked. I watched as she realized something, only to faint. I caught her before she hit the ground. I held her close, so worried, until I noticed that she was just sleeping, her breath even. I almost slapped myself. It was really late, and she must have been really tired. I carried her to the bed, gently lay her down and put the blanket over her. When I turned to go close the window, I noticed the room for the first time. It was like Amu's room had been, just like I remember from every time I visited her. It was practically burnt on my memory when I stayed in her room for a few days, when I was sick. Another memory flashed past my eyes. Amu standing in the staircase, tears in her eyes, crying: "I hate you!". I quickly erased that part and focused on the room once more. It was clearly Amu's room. Did she live with Utau now? Where were her parents? Her little sister. I made a mental not to myself: asking Utau or Amu about it.

There was a picture on the dressing table that caught my attention. I picked it up. The list looked worn out, as if she picked it up at least ten times a day. But that wasn't what really took my interest. It was the picture itself.

It was a picture of Amu and myself, at the amusements park. It looked like we both didn't know that the picture had been taken. I opened the list and took out the photo. Something was written on the back. I turned it and read the words. I didn't recognise the writing.

To Amu-chan!

Kairi-kun accidentally took this photo. I found it when I helped him clean up the things he didn't need anymore. He said that he kept it 'cuz it was such a good picture, and that I could send it to you if I wanted. I did it right away. I thought... well, I thought that you could use it. I hope that everything is okay. You should visit soon!

Kisses from Yaya-chan!

PS:Tadase-kun sends his greetings. I don't know why he didn't send it to you too, but maybe he wanted to spare money. He said it was really nice in France, and... wait... maybe you, Nagi, Rima and Kukai could come over to us and then we could all go to France together? ^^ Call me!

Yaya? wasn't she the one that looked like she was high all the time? And Kairi, he was the nephew of Utau's manager, Sanjou Yukari, right? This says that Tadase moved away to France... and he doesn't want to call Amu personally, so something must've happened... How come I never noticed the time passing by? I sighed and placed the picture back. On the wall hung a lot of pictures. I recognized some of them, those that Utau sent me.

Elementary graduation, Middle school graduation, family pictures that had a baby on them, party pictures... It was a life of pictures. I looked from the wall to Amu. She was sleeping peacefully on her side, one hand extended as if she was waiting for someone to take it.

I tucked her in one more time, very carefully, and kissed her forehead. Then I left the room, leaving Amu alone.

I had to search some time before I found Utau's room. I opened the door silently. Another surprise awaited me: Utau wasn't sleeping alone. Over her waist was an arm draped. I looked farther, seeing that boy that Utau used to have Ramen contests with. Kukai, if I remembered correctly. He was on the news last, said to be an international soccer player. Seeing I was in Miami at that time, it just could be true. It caught my interest at that time because his girlfriend was also mentioned. And guess what? That's my sister, the famous singer Hoshina Utau.

She was difficult to wake but when she did, I had to prevent her from screaming the whole house together. She has the voice to do so.

Utau followed me out of the room.

"So you returned." She said. I nodded. It was silent for a while. She went through her hair with one hand and sighed then.

*** Utau's pov ***

I sighed. He did what I asked, but what now? I will ask him directly, wasting no time. That's my motto, and I plan to use it to the fullest the next months.

"What do you plan to do know, eh? Make it up to her while you still have the time?" My voice was bitter, and I knew it was unfair, for he knew nothing still, but the anger welled up inside me. Amu was my best and first friend, and she was suffering so much now. She didn't deserve anything. All she ever did was helping people, just like she helped me. She's the angel I wanted to be. And he left her, not saying when he would return and not showing up for years. I've seen her tears, and I can't forgive anyone who makes Amu cry. Even if it's my own brother. Especially my brother. I will hurt anyone who hurts her! Not that I'll ever tell her that, but I have the feeling she knows regardless.

He looks shocked. "What do you mean?" he asks.

"Don't be blind, Ikuto. I bet you saw her. She's like a branch that could break any moment if you are not careful. And after the chemo...and the operation..."

"Chemo? Operation?" He looked terrified. Since he was my brother, I didn't expect him to be so slow and dense. Wasn't Amu the real dense one?

"Snap out of it. Amu had a tumor in her head. She had only three months left of life, for sure. The surgery could save her, but there is always the chance that she dies. Welkom in reality." I knew I was being a cruel person, but there is no other way I knew to bring such news softly. Personally, I think there is no way to do that. And my anger made me a bit more cruel than normal.

He really looked terrified, and I felt a little bit compassion for him.

I pointed to a door.

"Use that room. It's a guest chamber, and it is free. We'll talk again in the morning. It's too late now." I said.

Ikuto nodded. I went back inside my own room. I laughed when I saw Kukai looking at me. For some reason he always felt it when I needed him. I crept under the sheets and hugged him.

"Ikuto is back." I said silently.

He tilted my head so he could look in my eyes.

"Isn't that a good thing? For Amu?" he asked me.

I had to admit that.

"We all know that Amu missed him a lot, even though she didn't always say that."

"She actually never said it." I murmured, feeling the need to correct him.

He laughed the laugh I loved so much.

"No, but we knew it all. And didn't you notice that when she said that about wanting to spend as much fun time with us and her family, she also mentioned someone else?"

I nodded. I thought we all got that one, even when Amu tried to cover her mistake.

I snuggled closer to Kukai.

"We'll see in the morning." I said, and I had to snigger when I thought if Amu's reaction. She is so unpredictable!

I said that to Kukai, and he agreed, smiling. And then we fell asleep.

*** Ikuto's pov ***

What? What had she said? I didn't know how I did it, but I managed to walk to the door, open it and go into the room. It was a simple room, a typical guest room. I put my luggage on the floor and sat on the bed. I let myself fall backwards, and then I started to think.

I had been right to come back, I thought. Then it really hit me.

Amu is going to die, and there is nothing that I can do about it. That sentence was stuck in my head. I was up in a second, still having the cat reflexes, and I punched the wall the next. With my hand against the wall, I broke down. It was the second time I cried this much. The first was when that guy took me on a trip to find my father.

I was on my knees when I found myself back. If it was this hard for me, how much worst must it be for Amu herself? Knowing you could die in just three months. I realized I would want as much time as possible with my beloved ones.

Unfortunate for me, there weren't that much persons I would want to spend time with. Perhaps a word with my old friends from high school, the people I met on my travels and that ment something to me. A goodbye to my mother and father. Last chat with my sister. And so much more time with Amu. She was the person I wanted to spend time with more than anything.

And so I decided to make up to her all the time I hadn't been there for her. I would make her blush so much it would look like permanent. I would take her to very special places. I would love her more than I ever did. And I would make her admit that I won that bet, so many years ago. The thought made me smirk, and so I fell asleep.


	6. On Stage

*** General pov ***

Amu woke up in time with the sun. She brought her hand to her eyes to protect them from the light.

'Urgh." she thought. It was way to early too wake up, especially after it became so late this morning. Weird enough she felt good. She got out the bed and walked to her balcony door.

She was looking over the garden in the first sunlight when she noticed something odd. Outside the door stood an empty bottle of milk. She frowned. Normally she placed the empty bottles somewhere else. She wanted to open the door when she noticed that the door wasn't locked. Moreover, the key still lay on his usual place. She looked over the room and the balcony. Amu saw more and more things that were out of place: grass on the balcony, photo's moved. Then, she finally realized that that dream about Ikuto coming wasn't just a dream. She grasped for air. Then... then he must be still in the house! She felt the need to go and confirm to herself that he was really here. That this dream was true.

Quickly she changed into a pair of black shorts and a pink tank top with a black cross on it. She didn't put on any shoes and just ran out of the room on bare feet.

First she ran to Utau's room. Strangely it was empty. Something caught her attention. Across the hallway a door was opened, the door of one of the unused guest rooms. She went in. The bed was used. A bag was near the bed, that looked like it had been all around the world. But the thing that caught Amu's attention was the violin case that lay on the desk. Oh no...

Amu ran through the big house again, passing a maid busy with morning chores. She slipped to a halt.

"Misaki-san, can you tell me where Utau is please?" she asked.

The maid, Misaki, frowned. "I think in the kitchen, Amu-sama."

"Thanks!" screamed Amu while running away already.

A few meters from the kitchen door Amu stopped. She tried to keep her breath under control. If what she was thinking was right, then she had to be calm. Really calm.

She opened the door.

"...and I don't think that... Amu!" Utau looked suprised. "You're up early."

"I could say the same for you." Amu smiled. Her eyes were still busy scanning the room when she heard a voice, a low husky voice that could only belong to one person.

"Sure thing you are early. Considering you fainted from lack of sleep only this morning..."

She turned. In a seat close to the door, he sat. Tsukiyomi Ikuto, the boy that had been hunting her dreams and thoughts for over almost six years. The one she wanted to see most the moment she heard the news, but at that time she had thought it would be impossible. After not contacting her the whole time she could dream anymore, but a part of her kept doing so. A love bound to be forever lost... she had thought.

"Hello, Amu." He emphasized her name. She blushed.

"Shut up, neko-mimi-hentai-cosplay-baka!" she had always wanted to say that. Utau whistled.

"Auwtsh." she said with a hint of a smile. "That must've hurt, Ikuto."

"Not at all" he smirked.

Amu turned and crossed her arms with a loud 'hm!'.

Ikuto sneaked up to her and embraced her. She struggled to get free, but he wouldn't let her and turned her so that her body faced him.

"I know you missed me, strawberry."

Utau sighed and left them alone. They would need that.

Amu's face went red and she started to shout, banging her little fists to his chest with every word she spoke. It surprised Ikuto that it didn't hurt at all. That morning, when he visited her at her balcony, her punch had actually hurt. Now, it felt like a little kitten that tried to beat a full grown cat. He almost snickered at that thought, but seeing Amu's rage he decided to not to do that.

"On what ground do you say that, eh? Why should I miss you at all? I was just happy you left, so I could be at ease at least! Life is so much easier without you around!" she yelled.

It pained him, and she could see that in his eyes. Suddenly she felt sorry. Maybe he had a good reason to not contact her all this time. But he had to know that she had been in pain too. A lot of pain.

*** Amu's pov ***

He had to know I had been through a lot of pain too. He had to.

'But this isn't the right way to tell him, Amu-chan.'

'Yeah, you'll end up hurting him, if you aren't doing that already!~desu.'

'Just tell him.'

I smiled slightly when I heard the voices. I saw a worried Dia, an almost shocked Su, a determent Ran and a nodding Miki. 'All of you...' I thought. 'You're right.'

I couldn't bear to look in his eyes when I spoke quietly, knowing he could hear me.

"Why didn't you call me, or visit? Or, just, send a plain email? Do you know how hard it was to live without you, and how you made it even harder by not contacting me? It hurt me, and it still hurts me. Especially when the doctor told me I had only three months left for sure. Then, I needed you the most. And now you show up and just say 'Hello'. What do you expect me to do!" I yelled the last sentence, expressing all my pain with words.

I looked up. He no longer looked upon my face, but at an uncertain point in the room. His whole face expressed pain, more pain than I ever saw on someone's face. I felt like I had to comfort him.

He looked back in my eyes. The pain was gone, and determination had taken place.

"I'm sorry. Really Amu, there is nothing in my whole life that I regret more than leaving you. I'm so, so sorry. And I promise: I'll make it up to you."

I stared into his eyes, his deep, azure blue eyes that seemed to capture me. A tear escaped and ran over my cheek. He lifted a hand and wiped it away.

"I promise I'll make it up to you." he whispered. For some reason I believed him, and the tears I had been holding back for so long broke free. I cried against his chest, with his arms around me. It felt...just right.

*** General pov ***

The first thing Rima did every morning was turning on the TV, to see if there weren't any new comedy shows on. Since the start of High School she had been on this program. It was really famous now. Everyone loved Rima and her jokes.

There was no comedy show. Instead there was a woman telling another woman about some 'huge news'. Rima put the volume higher, ignoring Nagi when he groaned that it was way to early too be watching TV.

"Yes, Akane-san, we all look forward to see this new group! According to the video we saw, the girl that will be joining Hoshina Utau and Mashiro Rima in the group Falling Stars is really good."

"Are you sure, Aiko-chan?" her collage asked.

"Certainly! Here, I'll show you and our watchers the video. Ladies and gentleman, here is Hinamori Amu singing 'Behind these golden eyes'."

The video was of good quality. Rima thought that it probably was filmed by the club they were last night.

The door opened and Utau came in. She also ignored Nagi, just like Rima did.

"It's all over the news. Yukari-san already called me. Kami, I was happy it was a phone call. If she had been here for real I think you had found my body by now, murdered in the hall."

Rima didn't laugh.

"What did she ask?" she spoke.

"Well, first about that I should have contacted her first, and such, and then about how the company thought it was a good idea and was very delighted. They can't wait until we meet them this midday at the office. They plan to give a huge concert in a week. I know that they are happy, but a week?"

"Breath." Nagi muttered under his own breath. Utau glared at him.

"Does Amu know this?" Rima asked.

"No, she's in the kitchen with Ikuto and I didn't want to disturb them while they were..." She was interrupted by Rima.

"He's here? With Amu? Oh, when I get my hands on that bastard he'd wish he never left her! I'll let him feel every bit of pain she had." She stood up and walked to the door.

"Rima, wait!" Utau ran after her.

"Is Ikuto here? Fast. Eh...Wait. He's here?" Nagi finally woke up and ran after Rima and Utau. On his way there he met Kukai, who he also took with him.

Rima walked into the kitchen the moment Amu just had stopped crying and was now leaning against Ikuto, who was gently stroking her back. They broke apart when they noticed Rima, and the rest of the people who came in.

Amu smiled a bit sadly, but there was also something that Rima didn't recognize at first. Happiness, she thought, a kind of happiness she hadn't seen in Amu's eyes for so long. The happiness of being with the person you love most.

She sighed. There was no way she could torture Ikuto now. Amu wouldn't let her. Ah, that's bad...

Nagi was a bit scared of the look on his girlfriend's face. Just as if she was planning to trow things at someone...Yes, Rima could be scary for sure.

They all saw it, the glint in Amu's eyes that hadn't been there before. And all of them smiled.

After a bit of happy silence Utau spoke.

"Eto...Amu, Yukari-san called me."

Amu groaned. She knew where this was going.

******* Time Skip *******One week later *******

The lights swirled around the crowd. The stage was still empty. Fans were screaming, yelling, cheering. On the big screen that hung at the back of the stage were words displayed: Falling Stars: Hoshina Utau, Mashiro Rima and Hinamori Amu.

The lights went black and the crowd nuts.

An announcer came on stage. It was a young man.

"Mina, are you exited?" he yelled into his mic.

"Yes!" thousands of voices cried, all over the land. Who couldn't be there at the concert were in their rooms, with their nose glued to the TV.

"Well, then I shall not let you wait any longer! Here is Falling Stars!" The man went back and the stage was dark again, until music started and and a light shone on three girls, wearing black and blue dresses.

It was silent, as silent as a big crowd can be and all of them waited. Standing in the backstage were three young men and Sanjou Yukari, the former manager of Hoshina Utau, now manager of Falling Stars.

*** Amu's pov ***

I heard the screaming and yelling of the crowd when the man announced us and it made me nervous. I looked at Utau. She smiled at me, and that smile made me feel at ease. On my other side Rima took my hand and squeezed. I knew my family was watching this too, from their old and in a way new home. After all, they live in the old house again. I stayed with Utau. I live there now, and in that way Haruki could have my old room as baby room.

I wanted to give them tickets, but they refused. Well, Ami is still a bit young maybe.

On the stage the man yelled: "Here is Falling Stars!" and I knew this was our clue. I exchanged a last smile with Utau and Rima and we ran on stage.

Our first song was called 'Lion'. We practiced so hard last week, that I almost had no time for school at all. I talked with the doctor. He wanted to have me in the hospital as fast as possible, but I managed to get one month, provided that I took medicines and lay down a lot. I closed my eyes and let the music take me with it.

*** General pov ***

They started to sing. They would perform three songs, because Amu couldn't handle more. And this was the first. Ikuto was so proud and so happy when he saw Amu there, on stage, so happy he never had thought he could be.

Lion

Hoshi wo mawase sekai no mannaka de  
Kushami sureba dokoka no mori de chou ga ranbu  
Kimi ga mamoru doa no kagi detarame  
Hazukashii monogatari  
Nameatte mo raion wa tsuyoi  
Ikinokoritai  
Ikinokoritai  
Mada ikiteitaku naru  
Seiza no michibiki de ima, mitsumeatta  
Ikinokoritai  
Tohou ni kurete  
Kirari kareteyuku  
Honki no karada misetsukeru made  
Watashi nemuranai  
Kaze wa yagate higashi e mukau darou  
Koukiatsu kono hoshi no hyouga wo osou  
Sasoi mizu wo nonda mune ga tsurai  
Toomaki na monogatari  
Kajiriau hone no oku made  
Ikinokoritai  
Ikinokoritai  
Mada ikiteitaku naru  
Seiza no michibiki de ima, mitsumeatta  
Ikinokoritai  
Tohou ni kurete  
Kirari kareteyuku  
Honki no karada misetsukeru made  
Watashi nemuranai  
Nani shini umareta no  
Nani shini koko ni iru  
Ikinokoritai  
Umaranai hizu  
Hikari osoreteta  
Yurusaretai inochi ga ima, hikareatta  
Samayoi hatete  
Kimi no tonari de hoterishizumetai  
Honki no karada misetsukeru made  
Watashi nemuranai  
Ikinokoritai  
Gakebbuchi de ii  
Kimi wo aishiteru  
Mezametai inochi ga ima, hikareatta  
Kyouki ni kaete  
Inori sasagu yo  
Kimi wo aishiteru  
Seiza no michibiki de...  
Ikinokoritai  
Mada ikitetai  
Kimi wo aishiteru  
Honki no kokoro misetsukeru made  
Watashi nemuranai.

The crowd shouted "Hey! Hey!", together with the beat as the music faded away and the light dimmed. The girls exchanged smiles and dashed to the backstage to change their clothes.

"Here comes Falling Stars again, with 'Earthquake'!"

Now they were wearing jackets, Amu a hot pink short, Utau a black with purple skirt and Rima a black with blue dress. All had boots on that reached to the knee and were laced.

New music began.

Earthquake

I can remember days  
Things weren't always this way  
I used to make you smile  
If only for a while  
But now I can't get through  
There's no way I can lose  
I know some days are hard  
But must you make mine too  
Coz I can't stand it  
When you come home and we just fight for hours  
But I won't show it  
No I'll just hold my breath and keep it quiet  
Every little earthquake  
Every little heartbreak going unheard  
Every little landslide  
Catch it in my hand I won't say a word  
Every time you hurt me  
I know that it's working making you mine  
Every clap of thunder  
Only makes me stronger on the inside  
Now many countless nights  
I try my best to hide  
Soon as you slam the door  
My tears fall to the floor  
I know that people change  
Maybe you're not to blame  
But must you burn a hole  
So deep into my soul  
Coz I can't stand it  
When you come home and we just fight for hours  
But I won't show it  
No I'll just hold my breath and keep it quiet  
Every little earthquake  
Every little heartbreak going unheard  
Every little landslide  
Catch it in my hand I won't say a word  
Every time you hurt me  
I know that it's working making you mine  
Every clap of thunder  
Only makes me stronger on the inside  
Every little earthquake  
Every little heartbreak  
Every little landslide  
Catch it in my hand

When they went backside for the last time Amu was a bit dizzy. She held a hand to her head and just made it to drink a glass of water Utau gave her, worried. But she wove her away and they were ready, again.

"Get ready for the last song, mina! Here are Falling Stars with 'Hikari'!" shouted the announcer into the microphone.

The crowd got, as if that was even possible, even more crazy. No one had heard the full song before, but a little part had leaked out. One thing was sure: the leaked out part that was posted on YouTube had a million hits after only one day. There wasn't anyone who didn't like it.

The music of the song came on. It was a slow song, a bit sad but a bit upbeat too.

Utau, Rima and Amu stood in the middle of the stage. They wore a black, elfish looking dress that was ripped up on some parts and had a short skirt. With it came high, black heels. On the background the big screen played a film, showing the story they sang off, not like during the other songs where it had been used to show close ups of the singing girls and the croud.

Hikari – Falling Stars

Amu: The stage is empty,  
The curtains fell when the artists left  
Sparkels are dying and the music fades  
Utau:The audience is leaving, already forgotten  
the show they just saw  
In the shadows something moves

All: A whole new world  
covered with darkness but loved by the light  
that struggles through the night.  
The light that I am, deep inside  
A light to love, watch and  
To hope for the end so I can start over again  
Hikari~

Rima: In the dark corners people dance,  
spreading light where they go  
The spot hits a singing girl  
Amu: She's small, she's pretty, a pixie  
All alone, break through and awake  
The hidden powers, a door to ..

All: A whole new world,  
covered with darkness but loved by the light  
that struggles through the night.  
The light that I am, deep inside  
A light to love, watch and  
To hope for the end so I can start over again  
Hikari~

Utau: Even when we leave, we don't go  
We watch with love from the distance.

Rima: Even when we can't touch anymore  
Our love does not lie nor disappear.

Amu: A Light shines from far away  
You have to fall before you can stand  
Must know both sides of the coin

All:The new world, the new chance I got  
I stand straight, my light  
Enchants the darkness

All: The light that I am, deep inside  
The light that can't die...

Amu: The light, (Utau and Rima:light)  
that shines, (Utau and Rima:shines)  
For you (Utau and Rima: for you)

All: To hope, for the end  
So you can start over again.  
Hikari~

The last guitar lines rang and the images on the screen faded. They stood with their sides touching, eyes closed and one hand high while the other held the mic close to their mouths.

Screaming, yelling, cheering, broke out.

They walked up to the front.

"Thanks for coming and for listening!" They yelled in unison. And with a last goodbye they went backstage, where their friends and manager were waiting.

"O my, that was so awesome!" Sanjou Yukari was totally hyped up.

"Sure, sure." Amu laughed and she high fived Rima and Utau. Then Amu ran to Ikuto and embraced him and she thought: Even when something is so wrong, I can still be this happy.


	7. Secret Stars

Amu was in the kitchen, music on the speakers. She was making a cake. Even though Su went back in her egg around the time Amu turned sixteen, just like Ran, Miki and Dia, her skills in cooking were still very good. It had resulted in Amu making dinner and breakfast every day and lunch on the free days. For school days she made bento's. Rima had once suggested that she should study cooking and become a chef. Amu had declined. Just like she declined to be an artist or a sportstar with Kukai. She wanted to make people happy in her own way, and that was, she guessed, Dia's influence. They had all formed her in their own way, her would be selves. When she found that desire to just make people happy, they all went back into the egg's cradle.

Back to the cake.

"Preheat the oven at 180˚C." She did that. She liked to say the recipe aloud, so she wouldn't be too confused about what she had done and what not.

"Heat 110 gram butter up, together with 1dl milk, 1,5dl water, 80ml sunflower oil, 150 gram sugar and 185 gram dark chocolat until it is a nice fluent mix."

That was done and she set to work on the dry part of the mixture. Next: "Mix in a large bowl 250 gram flour, 4 big spoons of chocolat powder and a teaspoon of baking powder. Add two eggs."

She then poured the heated 'wet' mix over the 'dry' mix and grabbed the mixer to make the batter nice and smooth.

"Take the form I'm going to be using... and oil it with some leftover butter so the cake will come out easier. Pour in the batter and put in the oven for 30 minutes or more." She read.

Amu was busy doing as the recipe said when Ikuto came in.

He licked the dough from the spoon she was holding.

"Hmm." he said, making Amu jump, because she hadn't heard him behind her. She put her hand over her heart.

"I'll never even make fifty if you keep scaring me like that." she yelled.

She immediately heard her own words and saw Ikuto darkening.

"Hey, easy. I didn't mean it like that." He had turned away.

"Don't joke about that, Amu."

She sighed and went towards him, the cake leaving on the counter, totally forgotten and not even finished.

She tried to look into his eyes, but he hid them behing his bangs. She sighed.

It had been a fortnight since her first concert, and three weeks since she had heard about the tumor. She and Utau's manager, Sanjou-san, had been busy. Their cd was out, called 'Falling Stars (Never touching ground)', sky rocking the sales and hitting the charts and top tens directly. They had had a few concerts behind them and Amu wasn't stage frightened anymore, not that she had been that way but still... She and Ikuto were steady now. It had been all over the news that she had been taken, but none thought they didn't belong together. Some matches are made in heaven and this was one of them, said some magazines. She would never admit it, but Amu completely agreed on that one. This was heaven.

She still had to take pills and rest a lot and other stuff. Tomorrow she had her next scan, but she insisted to not going to the hospital before graduation. She wanted to seem normal so badly. She laughed softly. Normal? While half the country adored you and could not wait to see her in person? She had to go to school with a bodyguard, but she flatly refused that and bore with their endless questions for photographs and signs. Most of the time she just ignored them. Well, she wasn't there half of the time because she needed to practice dances with Utau, Rima and Nagi and singing.

The teachers knew of her situation, and they let her. Amu could tell they knew from their looks of pity and compassion and from the fact they just nodded when she said she had to go.

"Hey, Amu, are you home?" Ikuto's voice brought her back to reality. She blushed.

"Yes, why?"

"Don't you need to place that cake in the oven?" he asked, laughing as she realized she had forgotten her cake. She was so cute, so pure. She was his angel, his star, the one that had lit up his world and saved him from his darkness. He stared at her, amused, while she rushed to put the cake away, clean the counter and was wondering what it was that she kept forgetting.

She had it.

"Ah! Ikuto, look over here." She gestured him to look into the freezer. There, chocolate lay resting, cooling down.

"Awesome." he said, the only word that was on his mind. She was awesome!

He wanted to take one right away but she slapped his fingers back playfully.

"They're not ready yet, so leave them." she said, pretending to be angry.

"Sure." he said, already planning to take one when she wasn't looking but she seemed to see right through him.

"O, no, you're coming with me." she dragged him out of the kitchen.

**** With Utau ****

Utau stared out of the black windows of her limo. In her mind, a fight was going on whether she should call Ikuto now or leave it to when she saw him at her home.

No, she decided. I'll call him now.

She took out her mobile and dialed Amu's number.

'Come on, answer.' she mumbled to the beeps. When Amu picked up at least, she was laughing and Utau heard Ikuto on the background.

"Moshi moshi?" Amu said.

"I need to talk to Ikuto. Can you give him?"

"Why don't you call him on his cell?" she asked.

"He won't pick up. He'll ignore me."

"Oh." she said. Utau heard how she called Ikuto over, yelling something about 'not touching the cookies'. Utau chuckled. Amu must've made the chocolate cookies Ikuto loved so much.

"Here. Utau wants to speak to you."

"What does she want?" she heard him say and Amu whined.

"Just talk to her, Ikuto-kun."

"-kun? I told you to call me Ikuto-koi, Amu-koi."

Amu was silent and knowing her, she should be blushing a million shades of red.

"Say it."

"Please, Ikuto-k..k..koi." Amu stuttered. Ikuto laughed.

Utau had the feeling they were about to kiss and she didn't want to wait an hour, so she interrupted them by saying: "Hello? I still exist, you know."

"What is it?" Ikuto had taken the cellphone from Amu.

"Well... about what you asked me yesterday. The reservation..." She was cut short by Ikuto.

"Hey Amu, isn't that a burnt cake I smell?"

"Whaaaat?" Amu screamed and it sounded like she was running away from wherever they had been.

"Sorry, I had to get her away. What was it?"

"The reservation is made. Tonight, 8'o clock. Afterwards, you'll see."

He was silent for a while but then he spoke up again. "Thanks, Utau."

Utau hung up and the beeps returned.

*** Time Skip, evening ***

"Oi! Ikuto! Tell me where we are going! And why do I need to be blindfolded?" Amu was a bit angry. Just before, she had been in her room writing a song when Ikuto -damn that cat!- had sneaked up to her and before she knew what happened she was blindfolded and had Utau removed Ikuto to put clothes on Amu. Afterwards Ikuto had taken her to his car and now they were driving.

Ikuto didn't answer, he just smirked.

"You're smirking right now, are you?" she said, suspicious.

"Wow, you're getting psychic. Next thing I know you are reading my thoughts."

"Do I really want that?" Amu asked herself, but he heard her.

"That hurts, you know." He knew she would start denying that and she would totally forget what she wanted to ask. He was right. Maybe I am the psychic around here he thought, amused.

"You're amused with me, I just know it." she said, turning her head to the window even though she didn't see a thing.

'I think it's not a question about being psychic, but how good you know each other' he thought. It made him a bit happy -okay, a lot- that she knew him so good and he her. It made the feeling that he had taken the right choice only stronger.

He pulled the car in a parking lot.

"We're here." he said. He got out the car, opened her door and helped her out. Then he guided her through a door and a space, a restaurant, but she couldn't see that. The other guests started to whisper, but he smiled at them and held a finger on his lips, mouthing them to keep silent.  
They went to the garden and he took Amu's blindfold off. She had exact the reaction he hoped to see.

She smiled that smile that made him weak in his knees, which he would never, ever, tell her and turned towards him. "That's so beautiful, Ikuto. Thank you."

*** Amu's pov ***

Under a Sakura tree a table was set, everything already in place. Candles were lit, and lighted the soft twilight up. He pulled back a seat and motioned for me to sit.

I was so touched. It was the most beautiful thing anyone ever had done for me. Everything was so magical and it became even more after he kneeled down. I could tell what he was going to do when he pulled out a black velvet box and tears started to form in my eyes.

"Ikuto-" I started but he cut me off.

"Amu, you are the best thing that ever happened to me, my secret star and I don't want to lose you. You were the one that saved me all those years ago and I'll be forever thankful for that. You were the one that made it all worth it, the fighting and the pain and the sorrow. With everything that happened to you, and me, it made it clear to me that I want to make you mine, in every way possible. So... Do you want to marry me?"


	8. Something to tell you

Recap from last chapter, Secret Stars

"Ikuto-" I started but he cut me off.

"Amu, you are the best thing that ever happened to me, my secret star and I don't want to lose you. You were the one that saved me all those years ago and I'll be forever thankful for that. You were the one that made it all worth it, the fighting and the pain and the sorrow. With everything that happened to you, and me, it made it clear to me that I want to make you mine, in every way possible. So... Do you want to marry me?"

*** Amu's pov ***

I couldn't say anything at first. Tears started to blur my vision. My hands had flown to my mouth, covering the little choke-ish sounds I was making.

It was barely a whisper, but he heard it clearly: "Yes.."

He smiled, that rare, beautiful smile he showed me only once before. And then I thought it wasn't real. This time, I couldn't doubt it at all and I engraved the moment even more in my memory. As if I could forget this, ever.

He opened the box and put the ring around my finger. I examined it. It was a simple silver ring with a pink diamond in the shape of a heart. I absolutely loved it!

"Oh...Ikuto...I love it..." I said.

I couldn't follow his movements, they were so swift. He stood up and pulled me with him. I had only a second to stabilize myself before his lips crashed down on mine. We had kissed many times already, but this kiss seemed different. Maybe it was just me, so full of these feelings. Was it even possible to feel so happy? Wasn't there a rule that said: this is the quantity of happiness you can have and no more? But I drove these thoughts away and let myself go, free of any boundary.

Music started to play as we pulled apart. My breath came out ragged. I smiled.

"How did you organize this?" I asked quietly, not wanting to break the sweet silence between us but I, actually, really wanted to know it.

He smirked his infamous smirk, the one I loved and missed all these years, but I'll die before I tell him that. Just like I won't tell him I don't really mind him teasing me. If he ever heard that, there would be no end to it.

"I called a favour from Utau." he said.

I breathed it sharply.

"O boy, you're so dead."

He seemed to think that was funny. I smacked him playfully.

"Not funny." I said, pretending to be mad at him.

He leaned down, after all, he is still a bit taller than me. Not much, but he can see over my head and I can't see over his. It is perfect for me to lay my head against the crook of his neck.

Stop spacing out, Amu. A voice inside me said. I quickly shook my head, only to find Ikuto looking at me as if he knew my thoughts. He doesn't, right? I was in full panic mode at once.

In. Out. In. Out. I was calm now. Well, not really, but more calm.

"She owed me one, so don't worry, Amu-koi" he whispered.

It scared the hell out of me and the last word, which he had to emphasize, made me blush.

"I wasn't worrying." I lied, and then I thought: This is no night for lying.

"Okay, I was worried."

He smirked and I looked away. But I had to look back when he spoke up again.

"Thank you for caring." It sounded so honest I smiled. I was actually pretty sure it was honest.

"Of course I care, you dummy. That's what you do when you love someone."

I saw the emotion clear in his eyes and he pulled me closer as we continued to dance.

*** Ikuto's pov, time skip ***

I never knew Amu was so beautiful as she slept. That was the only thought that danced in my head. She lay beside me, her hair spread out on her pillow. Her eyes were closed, 'course, she was sleeping, and her eyelashes lay down gently on her cheeks. She was facing me, in fact, her head rested on my arm and my other arm was around her waist. Her hands were against my chest after they had slid down from where they had been, namely around my neck.

Daybreak was coming, not only literally but also figuratively speaking. Tomorrow she had a check up at the doctor's. Two days later, her graduation would take place and she would be no longer a high school student.

I knew that that not only meant the end of her studies for a time, but also the end of her freedom. She would go into the hospital and retrieve chemo therapy. After five weeks, the doctor had estimated, the tumor would be small enough for them to operate her with as small risk possible.

I had to smile a bit, or was it smirking? I couldn't tell the difference, when I saw the ring on her finger and my thoughts took a turn. God, I was happy when she said yes. I guess a part of me still didn't want to believe she was really mine, as I had hoped for all these years. The years that had stood between us that now seemed to have disappeared. I nuzzled my face closer to her. She smells so good! It's a mix of strawberry's, vanilla and... Amu. I inhaled the scent once more, closed my eyes and drifted to sleep.

***Time skip – again :) Amu's pov***

Somewhere I knew he was going to tell me that, and I had planned it already, even though I pretended it wasn't true. The growing rate of the tumor hadn't slowed down, not as much as they had hoped. My time had schortened. From two months it had gone down to barely a month's time.

The teacher called my name and I stepped forward. He gave my my diploma and wished me good luck. There was a double meaning behind it and I caught it quickly.

"Thank you." I said simply. There was not much to say anyway.

Nagi already had his diploma, as his last name started with an 'f' and mine with a 'h'. We waited for Rima, but it didn't take very long until the 'm' came and she too was no longer in high school.

There is a lot to do when you're not longer in high school anymore. Saying goodbye to friend who could be studying, or working next time you see them. Taking pictures, writing words in books telling people you knew them and cared for them. Searching for that last drawing and the shoes from P.E. because you know that it is your last chance to get them back. It was a feeling full of nostalgia, but also hope, a special mix of emotion that you can only find in a school on the last day.

My parents were at my graduation and they took me out for lunch afterwards together with Ami, who had also graduated from Elementary. I knew that Nagi and Rima were having these little family moment too, now. Rima's parents could place their feelings for each other apart long enough to give Rima what she really needed from them: love. It made me happy.

We chatted about trivial things, and I told them about my engagement. Ami and Mum squealed and kept asking me questions about the how and when while my dad whined about 'his little sparrow'. We all kind of ignored him.

That was this morning.

Now, I was at the brink of my Goodbye concert. I called it that way in my head and no one knew about it. Not even Ikuto. It was hard to keep that from him. After all, I still was a bad liar.

"Good evening, everyone! Welcome on this epic evening, where Falling Stars will sing for you to celebrate your graduation!" the host yelled. They always yell.  
Sometimes I thought it was annoying. Actually, most of the time. I knew Utau and Rima thought the same, but we were both too polite to say anything.

We stepped forward, the crowd went crazy, as music started and we sang.

Obvious

Let's make a mess  
Steal a kiss in the moment  
You and me everything that could be  
Touch, don't go  
Stay as long as you like  
Let's get reckless  
Dance with our hands to the beat  
Don't let this slip throw our fingers  
It feels insane  
Don't you put up a fight  
Let's rough it up till they shut it down  
It's o-o-o-obvious  
Right here is where the party starts  
with you and me  
All alone, no one has to know  
It's o-o-o-obvious to me  
How its gonna be  
O-o-o-obvious, when you come close to me  
Let's make a scene like movies in our dreams  
Make me scream  
Take me down, no one's watching  
Close your eyes,  
Play it back in rewind  
So surreal as the story unfolds on the screen  
Stop stalling the credits are rolling  
Hold me now before we run out of time  
Let's rough it up till the end of the night  
It's o-o-o-obvious  
Right here is where the party starts with you and me  
All alone, no one has to know  
It's o-o-o-obvious to me  
How its gonna be  
O-o-o-obvious when you come close to me  
It's o-o-o-obvious  
One kiss  
It's easy to see you and me  
It's o-o-o-obvious  
Right here is where the party starts with you and me  
All alone, no one has to know  
It's o-o-o-obvious to me  
How its gonna be  
O-o-o-obvious when you come close to me  
It's o-o-o-obvious  
Right here is where the party starts with you and me  
All alone, no one has to know  
It's o-o-o-obvious to me  
How its gonna be  
O-o-o-obvious when you come close to me

"Congratulations, minna!" Utau said. "And welcome!" Rima added. I waved exitedly to the crowd.

The music of the next song started and the concert went on. It were mostly happy and upbeat songs, because the reason of this concert was graduation.

We sang the last song. Utau said bye and turned to go off stage, but she stopped after a few steps when she realized only Rima was following her and I wasn't. I breathed in deeply, trying to master my slipping courage and started to speak.

*** General pov ***

It had been a good concert and it should have ended that way. She knew it, and still she did what she had to do. There would be no more chance, not like this anymore.

She breathed in and then she spoke.

"I am very sorry to tell you this on this night, that should be one to celebrate. I know, because I graduated today as well as many others. And still, I have to tell all of you this."

It was completely silent now. Utau just stood there, frozen, a calming hand on Rima's shoulder, watching her best friend telling her secret and showing her pain and hope for the whole world to see. On a chair, in the changing room, Ikuto sat with his eyes closed and listened. He had had a gut feeling that it would turn out like this.

"I have something I haven't told anyone besides my good friends and family. It was something I learned almost five weeks ago, that changed my world. You might wonder why I became a singer when I knew I had only three months of life left and my answer is this: I could not give up yet. I can't do that even now, and so I decided to tell it."

She smiled tightly. "I have a brain tumor, and I will be operated in two weeks. If the operation fails, I will no longer be here anymore. Otherwise everything will continue to go as it used to.

I'm very sorry, minna, but this was my last concert. I am very, very happy that all of you are here and that you liked our songs. Please continue to support Rima and Utau, okay?

Well...that's it... so... Goodbye!"

With that, she bowed her head. Utau saw her tears. She was still frozen and in the back of her mind she registered that the crowd had gone from silent to more louder again. She picked up crying, and that awakened her. She stepped forward and took one of Amu's hands. Amu was shaking with tears, and still, she remained in place and didn't run away.

Rima had also walked forward and placed her hand in Amu's other hand. They both wanted to be strong but silent support for Amu, and add their plea to those of their sister in all but blood.

They made an imposing picture, Amu in the middle, connected by their hands, all with their heads bowed.

It started with a single person, but then the whole crowd was chanting. It was a simple sentence, but it made Amu lift her head.

"It will be okay!"

"Thank you, everyone. Thank you so much." Amu said and she lifted her face full of tears to the world that had accepted her for all she was.


	9. Yesterday

'I'm so happy I could say it', I thought as I slowly got out of my clothes to put on the hospital dress. I didn't really like it, but I had to wear it.

Outside of my changing room was my mother, waiting for me to finish so she could take the clothes to my room afterwards. For when I came out of the hospital.

They were simple, plain clothes: a black ruffled skirt and a hot pink shirt with a black leather jacket over it. The outfit was accompanied by black boots with hot pink laces. I've always liked the colours pink and black. It al started when my mother used to buy me gothic lolita clothes and I would wear them without complaints. After a while, I got not only used to it but started to like it too.

I opened the door and gave the stuff to my mother. She was just like all the others, paying extra ordinary attention to me and it was because of that she saw my hands were shaking.

"Hey, are you tired? You should rest a bit, darling. Yesterday is obviously taking revenge on you. Let's go to your room." With the clothes in her hands, she started to walk through the hospital corridors, occasionally nodding to a passing nurse.

We came to the section where I was going to stay. There were others here like me, with a tumor or a cancer. Some would survive, some would not. I was now one of them.

They had given me a single room. I walked to the window, ignoring the bed that seemed to scream: sick! Everything about the hospital seemed to scream that. The silence in the corridors, the whispering of the people, the occasional flowers or presents that were bought in the little shop at the entrance. The only section of the hospital where this kind of atmosphere wasn't noticeable, I thought, was the birth section. Happiness ruled there, mostly.

I leaned against the cold window. Outside was a garden with Sakura trees, fully blooming. I wondered if I could take a walk there, once. I liked these blossoms.

Somehow, I had to think of Ikuto when I thought about Sakura blossoms. The thought of Ikuto drove my depressing ideas about sickness away and I smiled lightly.

My mother had put the clothes and the other stuff she had brought away in the closet. She showed me the little bathroom and told me that it was going to be difficult to move around and go to the toilet when I had the infusion. It surprised me that she knew so much about the life in the hospital, but then again, this was Hinamori Midori, writer of countless articles.

She helped me in bed and made sure I was laying comfortable.

"I'm going home now. Your father may love Haruki a lot, I still don't trust him completely when he has to take care of himself. Never did that when you and Ami were small, too."

I laughed softly. Lately, everything I do seems to be softly or silently, or lightly. Like I don't have enough strength anymore for those things.

"It's alright. Give Dad a bit more credit. Ami is there, too."

"You're right, as usual. What should I do without you?" It was meant to be an rhetorical question that she had said so many times before, but now it weighed more. She brought her hands to her mouth, eyes brimming with tears.

"Sorry, Amu-chan. I didn't mean..."

"It's alright. Really, Mum, you've said that countless times before. Time goes on."

It took her a second to grasp what I had said and she hugged me, real tight.

"Oh, Amu-chan..."

"S'okay, Mum, s'okay." I whispered until she had calmed down. She smiled and left. I tried to sleep. It wasn't very hard when I thought of the day before.

We had al gathered to go to an amusements park. Even Yaya, Kairi and Tadase were there. It was the old gang, all over again. They were emotional in the beginning, but eventually they handled it. Yaya was the first. With a childish smile she had taken my hand and pulled me towards a ride. Never thought that could be a shield, a strengt, I mused. Her voice brought me back as I slowly fell asleep, recalling it all like a dream.

"Mou, Amu-chi! Go with me on that one too!" Yaya whined, even thou she was in her last year of high school now.

"The Snake! O, I'm so in!" Kukai said and he pulled Utau towards the ride Yaya was pointing to.

Rima puffed her cheeks and looked away, indicating that she didn't want to go on that one. Nagihiko saw it too.

"Hey, Rima, want to catch some ice cream?" He asked her, ever so polite. She took his hand and away they were.

Ikuto, Tadase and Kairi followed us. Kairi was pretty close by, since he and Yaya were a couple now. They had been an 'item' since a long time actually, pretty much since we all graduated and left Yaya as the only Gardian. They were made for each other. Kairi was always so serious and Yaya so light hearted that they made a perfect match. Just like Rima and Nagi, and Utau and Kukai. And Ikuto and me, I thought, and I blushed a little bit. Ikuto had noticed and looked at me and I swiftly turned my gaze away from him. First person I saw was Tadase, still so prince like, only grown up and matured. France had done him well.

Come to think of it, Tadase was the only one without a girlfriend. I turned around and asked him.

"And, Tadase-kun, is there any girl that you like?"

He blushed scarlet, immediately. I was very interested.

"Tell me everything. I want to know ~ so spill it!" That was Yaya.

Tadase turned away.

"I met her in Paris, at the Tour d'Eiffel. Her name is Lulu de Yamamoto Morcerf, and she is the daughter of a French noble and a Japanese mother."

I could tell from his expression that he liked this girl- a lot.

"Does she like you too?" I asked, pretty bluntly. He blushed some more.

"Yeah... we just got engaged, actually."

"Engaged, aren't you going a little bit too fast?" Ikuto asked.

"And that is coming from you, Ikuto-nii-san." Tadase answered.

I let out a laugh as Ikuto looked away. We had reached the waitingline by now and joined Utau and Kukai. Kukai was talking about some competition that was coming up and Utau was asking questions. I saw that he was happy that she was interested in his world, the world of soccer and world cups, and asked her questions in return. Another perfect couple.

"Tadase-kun has a girlfriend." I informed them."They are even engaged." I smiled when I said it.

"What? You should have told me earlier, bro! That's not something you can keep a secret!"

"Don't be too upset, Souma-kun. You can come to the wedding, all right? We will hold it at the start of august."

Everyone besides Tadase shot me a glance. They all knew there was a chance that I would not be there with them at that time. Tadase seemed to understand that, too. He quickly offered his apologies but I shook it off.

We went on the ride. On lots of rides, actually.

We had lots of fun, too. It was indeed the old gang all over again.

I woke up at four pm. My mouth was dry and I came out of the bed to get a cup of water, only to discover that someone, probably a nurse, had put a cup on the bedside table. If I had discovered that before, I could be still relaxed in the warm bed.

I felt the presence of the boy before he spoke.

"You're new." he said, simply stating a fact.

I looked up and examined him before I said something. He was young, I guess about twelve or thirteen years old but his eyes seemed to say that his soul was older. I knew it sounded strange, but it was as if he had been through so much that he no longer was a child, no longer thought as a child and had lost innocence. Pity flew through me and I knew in an instant that he would not want that.

"Yes, that's right." I said. I knew nothing better to say.

He nodded. "I know everyone here."

I stayed silent. My head was buzzing, as if someone had freed a whole swarm of bees in my skull.

"I'm Natsu." he said and then he disappeared. I quickly ran to the door and watched the corridors, but he was already gone.

My words died away on my lips. "I'm Amu."

They came a little later. My mother was there, accompanied by a doctor and a nurse.

"They are going to start the first chemo therapy, sweetheart." She said and she kissed me on my forehead. "Good luck."

I had to go lay in the bed again and we rode off. I knew I had to be in the bed because I would not be able to walk myself back.

I closed my eyes.

*** Natsu's pov ***

Today a new girl arrived on our department. I knew her. She was Hinamori Amu, the girl that became a pop star and then announced that she was dying from cancer, from a tumor in her head. I secretly had to admire her. She seemed so brave, calm, accepting. As if accepting all this was her strength. Her mum was there, to send her off to the chemo chambers for the first time. I wished my mum had done that for me. I pushed the thought away immediately.

I sat in my room and looked out of the window to the cherry trees. I waited for her to come back. She wouldn't look good. She would throw up, and have a fever. And even though I had lived through that many times already, no, because of that, I felt bad for her. It was strange. I had never felt bad for anyone, not even for myself. Only for Kyla. I pushed that thought away too. There are things you rather not think about. Why? Just, because.

*** Amu's pov, time skip to the evening***

I don't think I had ever felt this bad before. I'm weak, my muscles don't want to listen to me and keep on shaking and I threw up my breakfast. A silent tear escaped my eye. I let it. There was no one in my room except me. The curtains were closed, it was already dark and a light was lit, but the room wasn't really light. Just dimly lit. My mum went home half an hour ago. She has the others to take care of.

Others. My thoughts flew to Ikuto, Utau, Rima, Kukai, Nagi. I repeated their names in my head and tried to picture them. It was hard for some reason. The edges of the pictures seemed to blur. I started to panic when I noticed someone was in the room. It was the boy, Natsu.

I smiled weakly.

"Hey." I said, my voice cracking.

He walked into my room and poured a glass of water for me. I drank it, hoping that it would stay in my tummy.

He went to sit on the edge of my bed, aware of all my movements.

"Hey." he said too, very soft. He didn't say more, but I could almost sense him asking me how I felt.

"Is it always this bad?" I asked him. He shrugged.

"Depends. Can be worse."

I nodded. There was a comfortable silence. Then I thought of something, more like I noticed something about him and started wondering.

"Will my hair fall out?"

He stared at me intensely. "I hope not."

I smiled. It was a weird conversation, with half sentences and implied meanings, but I didn't care. I didn't need more.

We kept silent.

"Let's walk in the garden tomorrow." he said and with that he was off again. I laid my head against my pillow.

It was a long night. I had to call the nurse for painkillers twice. I didn't ask her about Natsu, though I was very interested in the reason he was in the hospital, aside from the obviouw fact it had to do with cancer. This was the cancer department, after all, and he'd said he knew everyone - he must've been here for some time.

The morning came, but it didn't really matter to me. I just lay. The doctor came and told me they would try three more chemo sessions before the operation. The next one would be tomorrow evening. There would be two days in between a session and then three days before they were going to operate me. That left me nine days.

Nine days...

I nodded, not wanting to speak. He smiled, but it was no happy smile. It was a seemingly typical hospital smile.

I came out of the bed and took my notebook in which I wrote down all the lyrics of the songs Utau, Rima and I do and started to write.

This time I was aware of when he entered. Or maybe I just had gotten used to him.

He said nothing, and neither did I. He sat at the window and I hummed the melody while I wrote down the words.

"What are you writing?" he asked, quietly as not to disturb the peace that was in the room.

"A goodbye song." I said. We were silent again. It was actually kind of amazing how fast you fall into a patron.

I stood up.

"Let's go for a walk."

We put on jackets and boots and went out. I went to the nurse first and asked her permission, which she gave on the condition we would not spend too much time outside.

It was silent under the trees. Yesterday I thought the hospital was silent, but I knew better now. There were always sounds, someone walking, crying, a machine making noise, ... The hospital seemed to live in his own way.

We sat down and I tried to catch the flower petals by sticking my hand out. Natsu copied me.

We sat for a while and then I asked him the question.

"Why are you here?"

He didn't react and I was afraid he hadn't heard it. I was about to repeat the question when I heard his voice, small and quietly.

"I have cancer, on my ribs. At first they thought it was asthma, but then they discovered that it was cancer. I have been in the hospital for over a year now."

I wanted to react, but he wasn't done speaking yet.

"My little sister... she had cancer too. She died two years ago. My mum forgot me after that."

I was shocked how he seemed so calm about it. I turned my face and saw that his eyes were slightly unfocused and he was crying silently.

I didn't say anything, just embraced him and let him cry.

After a while his sobs eased and he calmed down. He turned away from me, his cheeks flushed.

"Sorry...I normally don't cry."

"S'okay." I said and I ruffled his hair. "Shall we go back?"

When we walked to my room I saw people come towards me. I immediately recognized Ikuto and I ran towards him.

"Ikuto..." I whispered and I breathed in his scent. His arms were strong around me. I wished we could stay like this forever.

Until someone coughed.

*** Ikuto's pov ***

I don't know why Amu didn't tell us she had her first chemo session yesterday. She had lied, told us she would spend a night at her parent's. I should have known she had lied. But it didn't matter anymore. I held her now, smelled her strawberry shampoo, felt her tiny body against mine and her arms around my neck. She whispered my name and I snuggled my face in her hair.

It was perfect, until someone coughed and I remembered those that were with me.

I looked up, just like Amu did and we saw Nagi standing with an unusual stern face.

"Amu-chan." he said and he held his arms open. I was reluctant to let her go, but I let her hug them; first Nagi, then Rima, Utau, Kukai. At last she hugged Ami.  
I felt someone's eyes on me. I looked in the direction from where Amu had come and saw a young boy with really short raven hair and red eyes. He looked at me curiously and with a bit emotionally. Then he looked away. He was looking at Amu, who was still hugging her little sister. Amu seemed to feel his gaze too, because she let go of Ami and went to the boy.

"Hey, Natsu, meet my friends." she said.

He looked at her in a way I didn't understand. Longing, like a child looks to his mother or a boy looks at the girl he likes. No, that wasn't it. More like she was his big sister, and he wanted... something from her.

He turned back to us.

"No need. I know who they are."

She laughed, the pearly laugh we all love, that rings like bells.

He looked surprised, all of us did.

"I forgot that." she said and then she turned to us too.

"Guys, this is Natsu." she gave no more information. I didn't need more information. The boy gave me the same feeling Amu gave me, a feeling of sickness. As if he had the same disease as her. Probably cancer. I wondered how he and Amu had become so close while they could only have met yesterday.

Stuff like that must've created a band between them, I mused. Amu walked back to us.

"Let's go to my room."

I visited her every day. I even stayed some nights. I knew she had only nine days more until the operation and I didn't want her to think about it. I knew she did, but I tried to make it easier for her.

She had found a new brother in the Natsu kid. I learned that he had cancer, like I thought, that his mother had walked out on him when his little sister had died from the same sickness. There seemed to be no sign of a dad.

He had the same strength as Amu, the strength to keep going even when there is nothing that binds you anymore. I started to like him, and he liked me. I knew that Amu, when she came out of this, if she came out of this, wanted to take him into her family. Her family of me and her. I didn't mind. The kid needed her. And so the days passed by.

*** Amu's pov ***

This is it. Tomorrow I will be operated.

The risk went down, not as much as the doctors hoped but enough to operate me. The risk of me dying or never wake up afterwards is still very high. This is my last night.

Ikuto is here with me, all times. The others are too. I know Utau is planning something, though I have no clue at all about what. I made my testament. I may or may not need it. It's just as throwing a coin in the air: not knowing on which side it will fall.

Only, for me it's not head or tails, but life or dead. Let's throw, and pray.


	10. Goodbye Song

I tried to not give away how panicked I was. There was no way out of this. I tried the breath in-and-out stuff, but it didn't help at all. I was starting to see little stars.

My friends didn't make it better at all.

"Hey, Hinamori, cool it, will ya? No bad feelings but a fainting bride these days..."

"Kukai, shut it, will you? You have to handle this carefully."

"Sure, honey."

"Don't call me honey."

"Utau-chan, stop that. She's already nervous enough. She'll have a mental breakdown if you continue like that."

"Hey, Kukai, cross dresser, aren't you guys supposed to be with the bridegroom or something?"

"Rima-chan, please don't call me that. And he is already there."

I started to flash.

"Nagi, you baka, what the heck did you say that for! She's flashing! Amu-chan, drink this. It calms."

Rima was right and I drunk the jasmine thee while she and Utau worked the boys out of the door. They came back and said to me: "It's time, Amu-chan. We are to walk down the aisle before you, you know that. So we'll see you later." They disappeared out of the door themselves, their black dresses that had the same design flowing after them. Ami would join them for the walk, seeing as she was my youngest and third bridesmaid.

You'll have it by now. I'm marrying today. With Ikuto. For one thing I am really happy; that my hair hasn't fallen out completely. It has dunned down a lot, but at least I won't stand bald on my wedding pictures. Nothing against bald people, but I was kind off -okay, really- happy I still had some hair left. I have had one session Chemo already. The doctors postponed the next one so I could have my wedding night. My blush hit the ceiling.

My father entered the room. Luckily he has accepted Ikuto by now.

"Ready, Amu-chan?" He was trying to hold back his tears, I saw it. I gave him a smile and stood up with a confidence I didn't have.

The moment I saw him standing there at the altar in his black tuxedo, smiling at me, I let go of my fear and walked up to him. They were all there: my friends, my family and everyone I knew. I also knew that outside the church a whole bunch of people were watching the big screen were everything was played. As were all those people behind the television.

I could care less. All but him, his smile and his hand extended toward me was a blur that didn't matter.

I released my father's hand and took Ikuto's.

*** General pov ***

They all had to admit that she was a beautiful bride, even though she was thin and pale. A blush was on her cheeks. Her pink hair fell down her shoulders. She wore a long, white strapless dress with a low waistline and a train that went to the ground and was made from silk and satin. Around her neck a necklace laid, given to her by Ikuto. She wore white peep toe heels that matched her dress perfectly. Needless to say, she was the perfect bride as she walked elegantly down the aisle. Some said she looked like she was floating instead of walking.

All watched as her father gave her away and Ikuto took her hand. And all saw how they said their 'I do's and exchanged rings. And, most of all, they heard the priest say: "You may now kiss the bride."

Ikuto looked down on Amu, meeting her sparkling eyes. Gravity seemed to pull them as their lips joined together in a long kiss. They were married now.

-xXx-

I watched the ring on my finger as they came to take me away. The silver lines had a diamond pattern of floral wreath.I absolutely loved it. My engagement ring was still on my right hand. I didn't even let the thought of putting it in a jewelry box complete itself. The ring seemed to give me confidence. I didn't freak out or anything. I was calm now, accepting. I knew I had to go through this. The coin was finally thrown.

Ikuto and Natsu stood by the door. They didn't say anything. I flashed them a smile. Ikuto seemed to ... no, he couldn't break. My calm composure would fall if he did and I wouldn't be able to hold back my tears.

What is there to say when you are so close to death and the gateway is only an inch away? What can you do, but to calm down your family and friends and tell them everything is going to be alright, a truth you knew that was a lie?

Ikuto walked towards me and kissed me.

"I love you, more than everything else I ever loved." he whispered. I smiled, a real, warm smile.

"I love you too, and I wished I could be with you forever." I said.

He looked shocked. "Amu, don't say that."

"I get to say what I want." I said stubbornly. He looked taken back.

I laughed.

"Don't worry Ikuto-koi. I'll meet you again. If not in this life, then in another. And remember, I will always love you. Forever and ever, even when I'm not there to say it."

A tear spilled and rolled over his cheek. I gently wiped it away and kissed him once more.

The doctors came in and took me away. I didn't look back.

"Amu! Listen!" He called after me and he tossed me an Ipod I didn't see until one of the doctors caught it and gave it to me. I plugged the ears in and listened.

It was Utau's voice, speaking on the radio.

"Hello, Japan. I am sure you know who I am, but I'll tell you once more. My name is Hoshina Utau.

Standing beside me is one of my best friends, Mashiro Rima. Unfortunately, our other best friend, no our other sister can't make it today. Her name is Tsukiyomi Amu and she was formerly known as Hinamori, that was until she married to my brother last week. I am so happy for them.

But there is one thing that is threatening their happiness, and the happiness of all our friends and family. Amu has a tumor in her head and she will be operated right now. So, Amu, and I know you are listening, this song is for you. We got it from that little boy, so thank him. We only edited it a bit, I hope you don't mind. And, Amu? We all love you from the bottom of our hearts."

Then the singing started and I was surprised to hear the lyrics of the song I had written not so long ago. It had been my goodbye song. Now it fitted that description even more.

A single tear escaped my eyes when I listened to Utau and Rima's voices singing so sincere. I kept listening, even when I started blacking out because of the medicine they had given me.

I fell in the black with a smile.

'No exception'  
written by Amu and edited and sang by Utau and Rima

Hey girl, there is no exception,  
not even for you  
Accept life the way it is  
No running away.  
Show where you stand for, head high  
For the whole world to see  
In all your weakness, it makes you strong

There's no exception, girl  
Not even for you  
When heaven calls you answer  
It's a one way street.

Life goes on they say  
Time heals all the wounds.  
But the gap you left behind  
cannot be closed.  
There is no way to forget  
No way to remember your image  
As the rain washed it away.

There's no exception, girl  
Not even for you  
When heaven calls you answer  
It's a one way street.

You may not want it,  
but it has come  
And it'll take you away  
Away from us.

Hey girl  
hey girl

As much as we wish we wish  
It was not true not true  
We'll save our tears as strength (as strength)

There's no exception, girl  
For no one out there  
When heave calls, you answer  
It's a one way street.

When heaven calls... When heaven calls...

There's no exception, girl  
Not even for you  
When heaven calls you answer  
It's a one way street.  
Leave your smile, girl

for all of us  
Show us the way  
To your memory..

Hey girl...

-xXx-

The boy sat on the little bench staring at the Sakura petals falling down. Next to him was the empty space she had been sitting last time. He remembered the way she would try to catch the rosy petals. Just as his little sister had, so long ago. He remembered the both of them, the image clearly before him. He looked up to the sky. One of them had left, the other was still balancing in between worlds.

A movement caught his attention.

A girl his age was trying to limp to the bench. She felt his gaze and looked up, startled by his presence. She turned and wanted to return to the hospital, but his voice stopped her.

"Please, don't go."

She turned, and crimson eyes met violet one's. She nodded and limped on her crutches to the bench. She sat far from him, as if she wanted as much as space as possible. He didn't mind. He studied her a bit. She had violet purple hair that matched her eyes. Her skin looked soft and silky, but it was cut and she had bruises on her face and her neck. Actually on every place he could see. There was a bandage around her left hand and her right leg was in a cage. It was white, but there was nothing written on it, as he had seen it before with kids from his class.

There was silence. His thoughts drifted back to her.

She hadn't planned on speaking. But she knew what was going on inside him. As if it was hard to miss. She had seen him with that famous pop star, Amu-and-something. She had seen how they had been laughing and chatting and she had tried to ignore her wish to have someone like that.

"I'm Miyumi Tenshiyami. 'Meeting you." The 'nice' was a bit over the top for her.

He looked up, surprised but then he nodded as one off the corners off his mouth pulled upward.

"I'm Natsu."

"No last name?"

"No." he said.

Miyumi didn't ask anything more and they stayed in silence until she spoke again.

"I hope she survives too."


	11. My Endless Dream

It's amazing how thankful a person can be. Ikuto thought. Or how hard it could get... But you have to go on, forever.

xXx

She was in a black world. But, the black wasn't cold. It was warm and comfortable, as if she had gone back through time and was at the point before birth again. She felt no need to think, just rested. Thoughts crept into her mind, slowly. It were memories, and she drowned herself into them.

Happy moments, sad moments, they all passed before her eyes, and she lived through them all. From her first memories until the moment they moved to Osaka and she went to Seiyo Academy for the first time. The meeting with the guardians, the moment her eggs were born. Ran. Miki, and Su. When they had announced her a guardian, and all the fights they got into with Easter.

Meeting Ikuto for the first time. Actually, that had happened not long after Ran had appeared first, and had made her confess in front of the whole school to Tadase. She had run out totally red, and had literally fallen on Ikuto. She was still clueless why he had chosen to sleep there, of all places, but she was happy he had because it was a funny first encounter. She had to laugh every time she thought about it.

Meeting Utau. She hadn't been exactly friendly, but they had become friends once she had been away from Easter. She had to admit that she had been shocked when she had seen Utau kissing Ikuto. Okay, she had been a bit freaked when she knew they were siblings. But she could understand Utau.

Then came the time when Nadeshiko went away, and Kukai graduated. Rima had come then, together with Kairi. Along the road Dia's egg had appeared too. She remembered that she had been totally freaked out when she had become an x-egg. Eru had ran from Utau, at that time, and they had done some character transformations. She and Utau had fought, and Utau was freed from Easter.

Utau had had to start all over again with her singing career, but she hadn't given up, had kept going and it had brought her back up again. Amu had admired that strength. Utau had once said that it came from her own example, but Amu had found it hard to believe that someone as her could do something like that. But when Rima and all the others said it too, she started to believe that it was possible to change people for the better.

Kairi had left, but not before he had confessed to her. It had made her feel so special. Nagi had come. Fighting Easter had started again, and this time it had been harder on Ikuto. She remembered the time he had been at her home clearly and she had to blush again. The moment had come that her mother had found out, and then when Tadase had come to confess and Ikuto had said some horrible things. She was still ashamed for her shouting that she hated him.

Ikuto in Death Rebel form and the fact that she had been the only one that could break that form. The final fight with Easter, meeting Hikaru. Beating Easter. The fight had been over, and Ikuto had left in search for his father. She remembered the moment at the airport, where he had confessed his love for her, and made that bet that he would make her fall in love with him. Little had he known she had been in love with him already. But she couldn't tell him, for the simple reason she hadn't know it in time.

Every so often her thoughts had gone to that time and she had touched her cheek, there where he had kissed her. There hadn't been any moment when she hadn't thought of him. Places where she had been with him, such as the amusements park he had took her to. She had been there a lot of times now, without him. She wandered around aimlessly, and one way or another she always seemed to end up in the teacup ride. Her family and friends didn't know about her visits at the place.

Utau and Tadase knew it, but they hadn't been there for a long time and just didn't come there anyway.

The time he had been away had been long, and hard. But there were nice memories, as the time he had called her from Paris. Her Junior High years had been nice too.

At some point Tadase had confessed again, but she had rejected him. He had said he had known that she was going to say but still tried anyway. She hadn't had a positive word for all of the other boys that confessed to her through Junior and High School, even though she sometimes doubted herself and her seemingly endless waiting for Ikuto. After the one time from Paris, he hadn't called again. She didn't remember Utau calling him either. She must've done it when she wasn't around. She had thought that she would hate Utau for hiding something like that from her, but she didn't mind after all. It would have made her cry, and that she wouldn't have liked either.

Years had passed and she was at the end of high school. The symptoms had started, and the reason behind them had been discovered and she had been wishing he was there. And he had come.

The times that passed before her eyes were sometimes happy, other times sad. But it was her life, and she accepted all of it, even the bad things and the moments she had thought that would never end. The people in them she loved, or she didn't, it was all the same now. But some of them had left an impression that she could not pass without thinking about what they had met, all together, and cry, or laugh. She repeated their names in her head and their faces appeared in her thoughts. In the warm dark she lay, and she thought that they were worth the return to the cold, painful outside world.

The young man held the hand of his fiancée. She smiled, trying to make him a little more relaxed, but on the inside she was a little bit jealous of the fact that this girl held so much power over her boyfriend-and-soon-to-be-husband. But Lulu wasn't a person to stay jealous and besides, this was a girl she loved also. She was an idol, and she deserved happiness for the music she made, because her music had brought them together. She had been listening to one of her songs when her mobile had fell and suddenly the whole bus had been able to listen with her. She had been scarlet but when she reached to the cell phone to make it shut up another hand had picked it up and when she looked up she had seen a young man with blond hair and ruby eyes.

"I love her music too." he had said and they had become first friend and later lovers. She had found out that he had once loved the idol girl and had known her very closely before he had moved to France. She hadn't mind. He had her now.

She smiled to him once more and he seemed to calm down.

Tadase.

The one thing she did every morning was tying her hair into twin tails with big red bowls. She had done it since Primary School, and she had never changed it. This time, her hair was down and her brown eyes were full of worry. Every so often she would stand up and walk to the window, stare at the phone that kept being silent and sigh.

The green eyed boy pushed his glasses up his nose and looked back to his book, as if he were trying to read but couldn't because the girl wouldn't sit down. That, however, was not the case. Even without the girl he wasn't able to see the words, make out the sentences while they seemed to swim around the paper.

The girl went to sit again. The boy lay the book beside him and took her hand.

"It will be fine, really. You'll see." But even with those words, the tension in the room wasn't eased.

Yaya. Kairi.

It was a strange sight, seeing a grown up man, in his late thirties, crying like a baby on the couch. But for those that lived it the house, it was no strange sight at all. It was more normal than strange. The woman tried to keep it under control, but failed miserably. She was close to crying too.

"Come on, papa, please. You'll make Haruki cry, and he's so alone now Ami is out. Please, be strong." And for once, it worked. Just a bit, but it worked. The man dried his eyes and took the woman in his arm so they were together. They didn't talk or anything, they just sat down. The little baby boy lay beside them.

Mama. Papa. Haruki.

It was supposed to be a friendly game of the two of them while their girlfriends sat on the banks watching and talking. The only problem was that it wasn't. Both of them had feelings that they worked out on each other. It was a hard game, but they felt good playing it. The reddish brown haired boy scored and the purple haired boy cursed and shouted, not meaning any of it. Their girlfriends were sitting, but not talking. One of them had honey blond curly hair and honey eyes while the other had long blonde hair in twin pigtails and purple blue eyes.

Nothing was there that needed a talk, so they sat in silence. They didn't think of breaking it, each with their own thoughts as they watched their boyfriends play.

One thing they had in common, that day. They all though of the same things.

Kukai. Nagihiko. Rima. Utau.

The girl was only twelve, but she sat alone in a park on a swing, rocking forwards and backwards as to calm herself. Sometimes a stray tear escaped and slid down her cheek. Her head was down and her brown hair was down, leaving the curls to dance in the wind.

A boy approached her and sat on the other swing. She nodded when he said hi, but kept her words to herself. He didn't say anything too and they both rocked forwards and backwards, until the girl said something, almost whispering.

"Thanks for coming, Hikaru."

Ami.

It was a scène you could see often in a hospital, but every time you came across it it didn't fail in making you shut up and be silent, almost if you dreaded to speak. It never failed to make you feel sad, too.

A body lay on the bed, a girl, with her head covered in bandages. The machine that kept her heartbeat beeped at almost random times.

There were two boys in the room. One of them was still very young and sat near the window, as if he was trying to hide behind all of the bouquets of flowers that had been brought. He had crimson eyes and very short black hair.

The other boy wasn't so young anymore, almost a grown up. He had dark blue hair and blue eyes. In his one hand he held the hand of the girl laying on the bed. He wasn't really doing anything, and some could say he was talking to the girl, or praying. Soft whispers confirmed the first.

"You know, Amu, there were more flowers than could ever fit into your room, and so Utau said that they should be brought to the chambers of other persons, especially those that are in need of flowers but don't get any. So the nurses did what she said, I mean, who ever goes against Utau? but they thought it was a good idea too. And, you know, I walked through the hospital this morning and I saw all this happy people with those flowers. You don't see it all the time, but she has a soft side, really. But you saw it, didn't you? You have this gift to see those things. It's what makes you so special...and makes it so bloody hard that you are laying here. I really miss you, Amu-chan. So much.." the whispering got cut off when the man started to cry. The boy moved from the window and lay his hand on the shoulder of the man.

Natsu. And... Ikuto. Ikuto. Ah...

She closed her eyes in the darkness and prepared to sink away.

Nothing had changed the past hours. It was almost night, the seventh night that Amu had been in a coma, and Ikuto felt how he became sleepy. He rested his head on his hands, that held one of Amu's cold ones. He was in the land in between sleep and being awake when he felt like her hand was caressing his cheek. He shot up, awake at once, and looked at her face.

Amu's eyes were open. She was awake. She was awake.

At different places people looked up when their phones went off, one after another, and they cried into each other's shoulders from relief.

xXx

*** time skip, general pov, end of august ***

It was a beautiful day, the perfect day for a wedding. All of them had come together once more, even though not all of them lived in the same area anymore.  
Rima and Nagi went to study in Tokyo, Rima theater and drama and Nagi dance and basketball. He didn't actually study basketball, but played for the national team and studied when he had time.

Kukai had been in university already, studying something he didn't even know but it was probably something he was good at, beside playing soccer on international level. Utau still sang, but they had putted any release aside until Amu could join again.

Amu was the one that had been the farthest away. She had been in hospital after hospital, trying to get her former strength back. She was back now, finally released.

Her pink hair had grown, but it wasn't nearly as long as it had been when it had fallen out during the chemo therapy. She was frail, like the wind would be able to take her with a strong blow. No that would happen anyway. Ikuto would hold her to the Earth keeping her with him, and he would never ever let her go.

They were at Tadase's wedding. They all liked Lulu, but Utau and Rima would be very happy -secretly, of course- when she and Tadase would go back to France.

They didn't trust her with Amu. It was as if Amu was a little child that needed protection. Amu herself would protest, but her protest would be like little kitten trying to jump on the big dog; futile. She was a kitten in many ways, Ikuto thought when Nagi said that Amu looked like one, and with some smugness he thought: My kitten.

*** Amu's pov ***

I almost cried when they said their 'I do' 's, it's so teary! And so beautiful. Ikuto gave me an handkerchief, he seems to have a lot of them with him lately. Must be because I am so -sorry for the cursing- dammed emotional all the time, and then we smile together as... well, as two people who know a big secret but aren't going to tell anyone yet.

From the corner of my eyes I saw another handkerchief, also meant for me. It was Natsu, of course. I'm really happy -those tears again, this is getting on my nerves- that they can stand each other so well. It had been a problem if that hadn't been that way. Natsu is cured. He was already cured before I met him, but they had kept him in the hospital to be sure. I'm happy they did that because otherwise I wouldn't have met him. He is my lost little brother. Mum and Dad accepted him, but I'll be the one to adopt him. Me and Ikuto. I know his mother agreed, I've seen her and I've spoken to her. I don't think I'll ever be able to understand what drove her to abandon her own son. I'll never do that, ever.

We were outside, waiting for the couple to come out and threw flowers and rice, and the bride threw the bouquet. Yaya caught it, blushing while looking at Kairi.

It didn't go unnoticed, and the biggest rumor at the banquet later was the couples that would be the next to marry. Kukai and Utau were left out, since Kukai had already proposed to her. The bet fell on Rima and Nagi to be the next engaged couple.

***General POV***

That evening, Amu stood in front of her hotel window and looked outside. Ikuto sneaked up to her and surprised her with a big hug.

She squeaked, and he laughed, and life was back to being good.

The End.


	12. Here without you

Summary: It has been six months since Amu has died.. and they gather around her grave once more.

Notes: This is an alternate ending to the story. It actually splits up after chapter ten, then you have these two endings. So this is the one in which Amu has died, obviously.

This used to be a one shot, but I put it as a last chapter when I reposted it on AO3 so I'm doing that again. So it's not a new chapter. I saved the reviews on the one shot and am once again very thankful for any support!

The song is 'Here without you' by Three Doors Down.

Snow fell down from the sky, lightly covering all the remembrance stones and graves with a feather blanket. He liked the snow, because it made the world appear as a better, cleaner and just nicer place.

Footsteps made slight sounds in the snow, but he didn't need the turn around to know who had arrived. The boy behind him shifted slightly, and only then the young man turned.

"Yo." he nodded, calmly, displaying almost no emotion. But those who knew him saw the hurt in his eyes, still fresh even after six months.

The people that had just arrived gave their own sign of recognition.

"Hn." A quiet, small blond girl. Rima.

"Hi." A purple headed boy, holding the small blondes hand. Nagi.

"Yo." A hyper looking boy with reddish brown hair, his arm around a girl. Kukai.

"Hey." The girl with the twin pig tails said, an arm around the boy with the reddish brown hair. Utau.

"Hi." A small girl with brown hair cascading down her back, one pink streak in it. She was holding a baby boy of almost a year. Ami. Haruki.

The boy beside him gave them all a nod. His hair was black, and he had fiery red eyes. Natsu.

They were all there. He turned back to the gray remembrance stone, slowly being covered by snow. The others came to stand beside them and they all stared to the words carved in the stone, as their thoughts went back to the day they had been gathering here for the final act, when the urn had been placed in the white marble monument.

Tsukiyomi Amu ˚23 September 1992, † 19 June 2010 Loved by many

-xXx-

The mic made a slight cracking noise as the girl tapped on it. The crowd that had gathered got silent, and only the occasional sobs and sniffs where heard.

"I'd like to thank you all for coming here, and supporting us all, especially her family. People find each other in the greatest of needs, and I think that we are now in a moment we all need others. A place that was filled is now empty, and I am sure I speak for all of us when I say that that space is never going to be full again. I'll miss you, Amu. You were my first real friend and no one can change that fact. Nor that no other can take that will be forever in my heart."

The small blonde standing beside her nodded and took the mic from her.

"I wish I could say this to you, Amu. But you are no longer hear to hear it, so I'll say it to all of who are gathered here. I loved you. We all did. But you were special, you were the one that freed me and broke down the walls I had builded to surround me. You showed me that you only had to be yourself, that I was special enough and the world would accept me for who I was. Just as Utau said, you were my first real friend, and you will always be the best. You still are, I know. As long as we remember you in our hearts, spend a small moment thinking about you, you will be with us. As always, so you'll never be really gone. I'll miss you, but I'll never forget you. No one will."

She went sat down again, next to the girl who had spoken before, and handed the microphone to a young girl with brown hear. One of her locks was painted a painly familiar pink.

"Thank you, Utau-chan, Rima-chan. That means a lot, and I'm sure Amu would agree.

My sister was a wonderful person, and the best big sister in the world, even though she had to give up a great deal to be that way. I can only hope I can be a sister as good to Haruki as she was to me. And even when saying that, I know that I can never live up to her. But that's not it. She said to me that by just being myself I was already very wonderful. I don't intend to brag about myself, but as my sister said: there is good in every person, in every thing. Being human is looking for these things, and cherish them. And that is what I intend to do. Thank you, Amu-onee-chan."

More tears were suppressed into handkerchiefs, more sobs were heard. Ami had grown a lot since her sisters death, no, since the doctor had delivered that dreadful news. She had matured, grown up too fast in a short time. Now she stood straight, her eyes red but clear. She would cry no more, but her heart continued to bleed.

She gave the mic to a young man, with dark blue hair. A boy was standing beside him. Behind them two other boys were setting up as for a concert.

"Time heals wounds, they say. But there are wounds not even time can heal. Time can only soften them a bit, make the edges less sharp. It will always stay. And for that, we want to sing this song for Amu."

The crowd buzzes. Wasn't that Ikuto Tsukiyomi, famous violist and husband to the girl in whose honor this was held?

They grew silent when Nagi started to play the guitar. The lines rang out softly, a moment before Ikuto started to sing into the mic. Kukai fell in shortly afterwards at the beginning of the second part of lines.

A hundred days have made me older Since the last time I saw your pretty face A thousand lies have made me colder And I don't think I can look at this the same But all the miles that separate Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby But you're still on my lonely mind I think about you baby And I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby But you're still with me in my dreams But tonight it's only you and me

The miles just keep rollin' As the people leave on their way to say hello I've heard this life was overrated But I hope that it gets better as we go, oh yeah yeah

I'm here without you baby But you're still on my lonely mind I think about you baby And I dream about you all the time I'm here without you baby But you're still with me in my dreams And tonight girl it's only you and me

Everything I know and anywhere I go It gets hard but it won't take away my love And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done It gets hard but it won't take away my love, whoa

I'm here without you baby But you're still on my lonely mind I think about you baby And I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby But you're still with me in my dreams And tonight girl it's only you and me, yeah oh yeah oh

The lines rang out softly, leaving the gathered people in tears, if they hadn't been that way before the song.

Without a word, they broke up and Ikuto left the place, the young boy with the black hair and red eyes on his heels.

-xXx-

"A hundred days have made me older..." Utau softly sang, and they all fell in with her, their voices carrying far through the silence that the still falling snow had created.

They ended the song. Rima was silently crying, as was Utau though she tried to wipe the tears away before anyone saw. It was not as if they would have minded, they al cried a little, if not in tears. My heart is bleeding, was what Ami always said. It was the way they all felt, but some of them just couldn't free their tears. As if crying would be admitting Amu was gone.

She had been in a coma for nineteen painfully suffocating days, and then she had given up the fight. It had been a beautiful day in June, the cherry blossoms had almost fully bloomed. Still, there had been enough to cover her stone in a soft pink white blanket. Just as the snow was at this moment, exactly six months later, on the nineteenth of december.

Her birthday had been hard, but not as hard as the weeks after her death had been. As Ikuto had said, time couldn't heal some wounds, only soften them a bit. But to them, it was still fresh.

They went their separate way again. Utau, Kukai, Nagi and Rima went to a little cafe and remembered the funny things, the nice things, even the painful things and they laughed and cried as they relived their friend again.

Ami went home with Haruki and did the same with her parents. A lot of tears were shed that night, but happiness was also there, when Haruki said his first word: Amu. They didn't know what had made him say that, maybe the vague, distant memory that he had of his oldest sister. Fact is that Haruki grew up with two sisters; one alive and beside him, and another only a dim memory of feelings but so vividly alive through the story's his family would tell him.

Ikuto stayed at the graveyard, with Natsu. They had stuck together, both needing Amu and now only left with themselves and the other. Besides, they had liked each other, and Ikuto didn't mind caring for the boy.

He himself would never marry again, never again love another woman. His heart was full of only one, and that would never change. Over time, the missing and pain didn't soften and some said they had heard a violin in the dead of the night, singing a tale of lost love.

"I'm here without you baby..."


End file.
